The Incredible Mr Wonton
by dem bones
Summary: Whomever thought that sending his mind through time to merge to his younger self was a good idea ought to have been shot and killed. How dare anyone try to take away his happiness. Contains HP/SS SLASH.
1. Chapter 1

Title: The Incredible Mr Wonton

Author: dem bones

Genres: Parody/Adventure

Pairings: Main SS/HP, RW/OFC and other surprises.

Summary: Whomever thought that sending his mind through time to merge to his younger self was a good idea ought to have been shot and killed. How dare anyone try to take away his happiness.

Warnings: SLASH, Femmeslash, Het, Harems, Character Death

Disclaimer: I don't own HP.

A/N: Written for the Parody Competition by Lady Phoenix Fire Rose. Used the prompts: Abibiliophobia, "Man, I'm hungry. I haven't eaten since later this afternoon.", Jewel Kearney, Vivan Mcmanigal, Duncan Gage.

A/N2: This is completely written in a new style and it's already pre-written but if anyone has any ideas or criticisms about this please review. I'll take it into consideration.

Chapter 1

Due to some complex and horribly detailed theory of complicated time travel followed by necessary background story for this established verse to create a plausible reason to go back in time other than to save phenominally unimportant characters, Harry found himself back at the Dursleys months before he'd be attending his first year at Hogwarts...BUT...

He wasn't alone.

When deciding to go back in time either by the intervention of sworn enemies or complex, carefully made plans or by sheer accident, Ronald Weasley was transported as well.

Over the last couple of years when Harry decided to allow Ron to move in with him, his best mate had decided to come clean about several things.

Apparently Hermione Granger had allowed herself to become quite bossy over time telling Ron how to dress, how to present himself, sending him away so she had secret time to be flirting with his best mate, telling him how to make traveling through time phenominally easier but over the years he became sick of it.

Ron told Harry how he had murdered his wife as a last resort.

"It was either me or her."

Harry Potter could somehow understand this even though him and his wife were still merry and happy together.

What irked Harry the most about his situation was the fact he happened to wake up in the body of his younger self. Sure it wasn't a problem if he didn't intend to have a spouse in this time but quite certainly if the Ministry ever found out that he was in the body of his younger self...he didn't want to picture it because the moment that he decided to do so he was blessed with an image of Snape as his new cellmate in Azkaban.

Harry had always thought he was a pervert what with that greasy hair, ugly warts and yellow teeth...just the thought of such things made him cringe in horror and that image was a lot more disturbing then being labeled as a paedophile thus it was with obvious reluctance that he refrained from following that mindset in pursuing Ginevra Weasley.

"BOY, GET OUT OF BED THIS INSTANT."

Harry gritted his teeth at the force of an increasing headache for some reason he had neglected to remember the living conditions ever being so bad at the Dursleys. Arguably he had also forgotten about the love of his life nearly dying in the Chamber of Secrets as well but Harry thought he would at least land in a time in which the Dursleys weren't being their usual miserable selves.

The familiar sound of stomping feet fed on Harry's last nerve and with a lot of courage and a phenomenal amount of gall, he stepped outside.

"SHUTTTTTTTTUPPPPPPPPP, SOME PEOPLE ARE TRYING TO GET SOME SLEEP HERE."

Dudley who was the culprit responsible for stomping on the stairs ran off with a satisfied smirk on his face.

At this point he had screamed in horror at the sight of his younger body reflecting in the mirror in his room.

"Hey, what's the big idea?" Petunia said arriving later with Dudley at her side.

"Oh, I see Dudders has decided to snitch on me. Funny, I remember him being alot nicer in the future." Harry muttered quite irritated.

"What are you talking about?"

"When I attended this wizarding school called Hogwarts, you see there were these professors who taught me magic and stuff and with these abilities they expected me to defeat some evil Dark Lord so due to some totally unpredictable method of time travel I awoke in the body of my younger self." Harry explained. "My wife is a hell of lot younger than me, I have abysmmal sight and Snape as a cellmate in Azkaban is actually starting to sound quite nice."

Petunia paled. "How do you know about that crazy stuff?"

"Didn't you hear him, mum? He's a time traveler." Dudley had the gall to boast sarcastically.

"If I had an owl..." Petunia said sharply attempting to make a threat.

"Look even if you had an owl and told Professor Dumbledore that I was a time traveler and he somehow got ahold of the Ministry to send me to Azkaban for illegal time travel, I could just apparate out of here."

"Funny, I was under the impression that those weird folk don't allow the use of... in front of muggles." Petunia scoffed haughtily.

"Look there is no reason for me to be soiling your porch with my heracy. So I'll apparate out of here, find a job and take on a new identity because Merlin knows if I recieve my Hogwarts letter and attend that school once more... Though from all that I learned in school I could use this time to learn more..." Harry uttered thoughtfully before shaking himself from his dreamy state. "Well, I guess it doesn't matter."

With a snap of fingers Harry vanished at about the same time Petunia Dursley had a knock on the door.

Opening it, Petunia caught sight of the man who had cursed her with bottomless anger at his gall to leave a baby unattended on her doorstep in the middle of the night over ten years ago.

"Ah Petunia, care to tell me where your nephew is?"

"He just left a second ago." Petunia drawled.

"Are you sure? The Ministry has informed me that there was one adult wizard abiding in your home. Which shouldn't be possible because Harry Potter has yet to turn 16."

"I'm clueless." Petunia uttered. She had to give her nephew credit if he was a time traveler and a future version of her nephew and decided to refrain from casting any spells on them preventing her from telling the headmaster about him after deciding to leave their house right away then surely there was still hope that the headmaster's behavior hadn't rubbed off on her nephew.

"Are you absolutely certain?"

"Nearly."

"What?"

"Yeah, I'm certain."

"Well then, I guess I'll leave your company."

HPSS

Upon his arrival in London, hidden in the shadows, Harry gazed through a window. He could recognise the familiar red hair from his best friend, Ronald Weasley who was seated at the front of the pub.

Due to the fact that his invisibility cloak was stuck in another time line in the hands of his mischievious son, Harry's only choice was to wait as he couldn't very well cast a confundus charm on his friend as he had no wand. The only spell he had learned to cast wandlessly was the apparation spell and that would prove to no use teleporting inside the building, blatantly showing his true appearance.

Later when he stepped outside Harry could see his friend appeared to have retained his older body and looked quite rugged with his long red hair and finely grown beard. As Ron passed by the alley where Harry was hidden, he pulled him in the darkened shadows of an alley.

"Harry?" He inquired.

"Finally found you."

"The Dursleys give you a hard time?"

"No, wait that's what I forgot. You forgot to remind me to cast an obliviate charm on the Dursleys. What if Dumbledore came by and decided to use legilimency on them."

"Relax Harry I'm sure they have spite for you but not that much spite."

"Comforting."

"You're talking to a man who resorted to murdering his wife for being a bossy know it all."

"Look Ron, I need you to look around Knockturn Alley for any reliable means of conceilment. I'd tell you to look in Diagon Alley but I only know of 6 businesses and neither of them happen to contain what I desire."

"Alright, I'll find it for you but only because you asked me to nicely."

Probably 8 hours later, Ron returned when the day began to turn to night.

"I found it, mate. I found the solution to your problem."

Harry followed Ron into an exotic shop in Knockturn Alley.

Two women dressed in colorful robes lined with fine jewelry were dancing an exotic dance.

"Excuse me."

The women continued their dance as if they hadn't heard Ron addressing them.

"Excuse me." Ron tried to get their attention once more.

The women refrained and walked towards them.

"Can I help you?" One of them asked.

"My friend needs methods of conceilment..." Ron said before whispering quietly. "Look can you keep a secret?"

"Of course, we're bound under a clause of confidentiality as addressed in our contracts."

"We're time travelers. I'm Ron Weasley and this is my best mate, Harry Potter who was transported into the body of his younger self for some reason."

"I'm Jewel Kearney and my co-worker here is Vivan Mcmanigal."

Upon further scrutiny, Harry noted that Jewel had light blonde hair and misty blue eyes while Vivan had fiery red hair and violet eyes.

"I know just the thing to conceil you. Vivan was working with some muggle remedies and has found a breakthrough." Jewel explained.

In quick gestures, Vivan and Jewel had swiped the two men and set off to work in trying their wizarding remedies with the hope in doing a fine job.

By the end of it, Harry had grown a couple of feet retaining his green eyes which had vision correction and by the end was sporting dampened blonde hair almost akin to brown while Ron's hair was darkened slightly and almost looked like a murky red.

Harry's skin was changed so that it looked rather burnt while Ron's skin was sporting a tan.

"Thank you ladies. Look if you're single and looking for a date we should go out sometime." Ron said with a wink.

"With who?" They asked.

"Both of you. You're both beautiful ladies."

HPSS

The first stop in Diagon Alley or otherwise risking the chances of becoming thieves, Harry and Ron went to Gringotts to get some money.

"You're Harry Potter." A goblin said with widened eyes.

"Yes, I need access to my vault. You know, having the money to buy myself a wand to defend against unexpected attacks?"

"Do you have the key?"

"No. Dumbledore has it."

"Follow me."

Harry and Ron followed him towards the back where they both got into carts and drove to his vault.

"We've given you free access to the vault as we're clearly one hundred percent certain that you are Harry Potter."

"I see." Harry uttered. "Keep in mind if you intend to tell anyone about my appearance here in resort for any blackmail material I will make certain to destroy every single one of your kind. I've made a deal with goblins before and it was there luck that they happened to try the last of my patience."

With that the two men left the bank.

After the bank, both set out to get wands but refrained from stopping by Oliviander's as the man happened to be a good friend of Dumbledore's.

Nearby Gregorovitch was open for business so Harry and Ron went inside.

"Can I help you?"

"Look we're looking for a couple of wands."

"Alright, you first." Gregorovitch said to Harry.

Measuring his height, Gregorovitch began to calculate his conclusions.

"11 inches." He uttered. "What wood and what core exactly?"

"I'd like it to be made from acacia wood with dragon heartstring."

"Quite fitting for the Dark Arts." Gregorovitch said before turning to Ron and measuring his height as well.

"12 inches." He said. "You fine sir look like you'd be the most suited for a wand made of Yew wood and made of a phoenix feather. Luckily Vivan stopped by yesterday and donated a feather from her and her friend's blue Phoenix, Gale."

"Yeah, we met yesterday. They're quite cute aren't they?" Ron uttered with a love sick gaze.

HPSS

Week 3 and Ron had managed to snag both of the women for dates while Harry in the midst of his gall and dispair didn't even have a woman to look forward to.

Due to a mistake, an error in his logic, a wrong turn, Harry had somehow found himself in a gay bar.

The moment he had met Duncan Gage he was in for the most life-changing experience of his life. He was short and confident with murky blonde hair and blue eyes and Harry thought he was a tad arrogant with the blatant manner in which he tried to flirt with him.

Harry was certain there was no way he'd ever fancy guys with the two dates he happened to have with two other girls not to mention the third one in which he finally married.

So the next moment he was caught by unawares as to how the man had persuaded him to allow the man to bed him.

Upon leaving, Harry found there had been left an itch, an agonising itch and was eager to discover more on the terms of gay sex.

Every day at that point, Harry would bring home a new lover til Ron dropped by that Saturday telling him that they were hired to exterminate some ghosts for the Ministry.

On Monday next week after a lot of much needed venting at his friend's impulsive actions, the two arrived at the Ministry.

Cornelius Fudge was scrutinising them suspiciously.

"Let me get this straight, your resume says that both of you have recieved some training in stealth, tracking, and conceilment and the two of you had exceptional grades in both your NEWTS and OWLS while attending Uni?"

"That's correct sir." Ron uttered sheepishly rubbing the back of his head ruffling his hair.

Harry glared at him from the other side.

"Fine. You're both hired. I'm expecting you both to notify Professor Dumbledore of your presence. You two are to exorcise Moaning Myrtle and Professor Binns as Eldred Worple has concerns that the presence of ghosts may be responsible for the lack of humans of a healthy palor for the sake of his little vampire friend." Cornelius said as if he had a horrid taste in his mouth.

Harry glared at Ron. They were in knee deep. Neither of them had ever studied enough to know exactly how to get rid of ghosts. As far as they were concerned there was no way to do so as Professor Binns and Moaning Myrtle had always appeared throughout their tyhursts at Hogwarts.

"Well then, gentlemen."

Both left.

HPSS

Taking a shortcut through an alley the duo found themselves being ambushed by vampires.

"What was your business with Minister Fudge?" A vampire uttered menacingly bringing a curve-bladed knife to Harry's throat.

Ron shrugged though he was in a similar predicament.

"He asked us to off some ghosts. Said it was crucial to the survival of vampires."

"Liar."

"Who?"

"The Minister." One vampire said. "If anyone would agree with me I'd say he was planning on ridding the world of us, vampires."

"The only way we vampires can procreate is by piercing the flesh of dead bodies. Unfortunately the corpses of wizards and the muggles are off limits and our venom rarely works on Fae, veela or werewolves."

"Look I know of one person who would agree with you. I have no doubts that you are right and the Minister is trying to rid the world of vampires but I'm sorry to say I can't help you there." Harry explained. "It's probably very illegal to do this but since I don't give a rat's ass either way I would like you to turn someone to your kind. I'll take the blame should this entire fiasco go wrong but I'd have no way to pin any of your crimes on me so I'd need your help of course."

"Certainly."

"HARRY!" Ron protested.

"When you act on an impulse Ron, it most certainly will always backfire."

Upon their arrival at the school, Ron and Harry dropped by the History of Magic classroom to talk to Professor Binns.

"Who are you people?"

"I'm Batman." Harry said voice coated with amusement.

"...and I'm Robin."

"Professor. We think it's time you ought to think about leaving this world to go to the next one." Harry said. "I've been in Limbo and they have the most interesting people. You know if your body happen to possess a soul of a dark lord or something over the course of a plot laced with Deux ex Machinas that if said dark lord tries to call you proceeding in killing themselves that you'll see a tiny baby with the face of said villain all bloodied under a bench at King's Cross now if that's not amusing then I don't know what is."

"I heard they serve phenominally good pie there."

"Fine, I get it you just want to have the position." Professor Binns said gruffly. "You can have it, I'm sick and tired of the students falling asleep during my lessons anyhow."

HPSS

Not long afterwards feeling immensely sorry for ridding the school of one of their prized professors, Harry and Ron applied for positions.

As an act of revenge, Harry signed up Ron for the History of Magic position while he signed up for the Muggle studies position.

"Did I tell you, mate...how much I hate you?"

"No, you haven't but you're telling me now." Harry replied before a grin spread across his face.

"So you two are applying for the open positions?"

"Yes, Sir."

"Then good luck."

After managing to convince Dumbledore to give the two of them the positions. Harry and Ron had adjusted phenominally.

The first day, Harry had recieved an owl from the Ministry.

It was congratulations and a warning that the moment he had left the school the Ministry would drop by and arrest him for turning Selene Lovegood into a vampire.

FIRST CHAPTER COMPLETE


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2.

He thanked Professor McGonagall for allowing him to aid the Defence professor with teaching the class because Harry had no idea how to teach students. It was one of the main reasons he was an auror.

Ron, Harry observed didn't seem to have much trouble if anything he'd said was anything to go by. His friend probably learned from Neville.

"Man, I'm hungry. I haven't eaten since later this afternoon." Ron said observing himself from a good distance away.

Harry laughed at the way Ron phrased it. Ron must have thought his younger self was quite silly with his tendencies to stock food in his mouth like a glutton.

The other professors were oddly non-chalant though Harry saw Snape and Dumbledore conversing to the side very quietly.

Beside Ron was Professor Quirrell which caused both of them to cringe in horror at the implication that Lord Voldemort was sitting besides them.

Harry found however that he was more curious as to what Snape and Dumbledore were talking about however and suspected it had to do with his disappearance at Privet Drive.

Sneaking around Harry finally got the opportunity on Thursday to eavesdrop on their conversation outside Dumbledore's office.

"Where do you suppose our boy wonder has gone?" Snape asked angered beyond belief.

"It's strange because the Ministry has confirmed that the boy has been living with the Dursleys. The moment he turned eleven it was as if he'd vanished without a trace."

"There wasn't a single wizard living there?"

"A wizard was living there but not one under the trace."

"That boy is more trouble then he's worth." Snape grumbled.

"Look Severus, give this some thought alright. We have to find the boy." Dumbledore said pensively.

Harry smiled as an idea struck him and cleverly walked down to the dungeons and conceiled himself near Snape's office waiting for the opportunity to have a talk with the potions professor.

HPSS

Ohhhhh, the gall of that no good son of James Potter.

Somehow the boy had vanished from his relative's home.

Spoiled and pampered, the boy probably left looking for better people to care for him.

The thought made him grit his teeth in hatred and he could admit that he was quite jealous of it.

How he wished he had done the same thing living with his mother and father. Snape knew though he would have never abandoned his mother, leaving her with the gruel circumstances his father had left them in.

As Snape made his way towards the office and murmured the password to his quarters, he turned hearing a light rustle and was engulfed by darkness.

Strong hands grabbed him by the arms and proceeded to drag him quite a ways where they dropped him off.

A light pitter patter of shoes seemed to go on about five times when the hands returned.

There was silence for a while til the spell ceased over his eyes.

Upon opening his eyes he caught sight of the new muggle studies professor.

"Hello Professor."

The way those green eyes looked at him was akin to a snake waiting for the right moment to pounce on it's prey.

Snape gulped.

"I know where your boy wonder is."

The man's face suddenly morphed into something akin to fury and began to attempt to get out of his seat but was tied down with some ropes.

"Can't have you attack me now can I?" Harry said huskily finding the sight of the potion professor struggling to be highly arousing.

"Where?"

Harry took that time to cast a spell on the air pervading around him.

"You're talking to him."

"What? How?"

"If I tell you then you have to keep it a secret."

"No games."

"I'm Harry Potter from the future, somehow me and my friend were sent back in time."

"You're lying."

"Here's the kicker, my friend retained his own body and for some reason I got stuck in the body of my younger self."

"Prove it."

"Sorry."

"You think you can convince me, Potter doesn't have blonde hair."

"And you don't think 'Potter' would be able to find a way to conceil himself from you?"

"Reverse your glamour."

"Excuse me."

"I said, reverse your glamour."

Harry tried to do so but the glamour had remained.

"It's still there."

"Look I would reverse it really I would but I can't undo the charm." Harry explained pensively. "Don't you like it? A couple of ladies in Knockturn Alley did it for us."

"It still doesn't prove that you're Harry Potter."

"Fine, I didn't have to resort to this but I'm afraid I'm going to have to tell you your greatest secret because the other choice would involve veritaserum and I know after the war you've shown your true allegences and all but I still don't trust you to humiliate me with my secrets. I'll have you know the secret I'm telling you, you haven't even uttered to Dumbledore, I mean he probably has some idea about this secret but you've only showed me the memories." Harry said.

"Well then, spit it out Potter."

"YOU-ARE-A-VIRGIN."

Snape coughed and sputtered.

"What? How did you know? I-I mean how did you come to that conclusion? That doesn't prove anything."

"The only person you've ever loved is my mother after all. I mean all the memories you've shown me you still attempt to hit on her even though she's oblivious to your feelings."

Snape snarled. "Are you making fun of me?"

"Honestly? I find it a bit sexy."

Snape flushed.

"Untie me now. You pervert."

"Fine, fine, but you have to keep it a secret. If you don't, I'll sever off your head and keep it as a medallion."

"Alright, alright."

Harry released the spell.

"So foolish, releasing me so easily." Snape sneered and tried to cast a spell his way.

Unfortunately it bounced off Harry and literally severed off the professor's head. It was Harry's bad luck having to repair the man's body with the counter curse.

"How did you know my spells?" The man asked when he was lucid.

"I had your book sometime after I hid it during my sixth year. I'd forgotten where I hidden it and couldn't find it until one day I stumbled across it and studied it."

Snape at this point was convinced that the man was Harry Potter.

HPSS

Over a period of time, Harry had observed that Snape was never really a person who sat with staff at the tables and it sorely disappointed him because he had began to take a slight fancy towards the professor.

It was due to this and the lack of reason to cease stopping Quirrell from following the same plot as his first year in getting the philosopher's stone later in the year that Ron and Harry proceeded to make small talk asking questions about the subject that he was teaching.

"Professor Quirrell how are you doing?"

"Professor Quirrell have you ever had sex?" Ron asked.

"I-I had a little fling w-with Eileen in the late 50s." Quirrell uttered.

"Professor would you happen to know a great spell to make lube?"

"Have you ever had sex with a man?"

"Yes and no." Quirrell replied with disgust.

Harry scowled at Ron, the two had made a bet previously that Quirrell had a fling with Voldemort.

"Have you ever had a threesome?" Ron asked.

"No, now cease with the sex questions." Quirrell whispered quietly.

"Alright. Did you know Snape is gay?" Harry said.

"What?" Quirrell said incredulously.

"Snape is gay. The truth is he's my ex-lover."

"And I have two girlfriends and the concept of a threesome sounds rather nice."

"What do I have to do to make you men cease talking to me?" Quirrell said in defeat.

"You've got to attend a party tomorrow on the 31st of October. It's to celebrate our first year without foreplay."

"Did you make that up?" Harry murmured to Ron.

"Of course I did. None of us have went a year without foreplay so don't think you were being subtle, Harry." Ron murmured back.

"Fine." Quirrell snarled menacingly.

HPSS

"It's a pity you spend your lunch eating in your quarters I'd have liked for you to join me at the staff table." Harry said lounging in Snape's favourite chair in his quarters.

"One of the reasons I do so is to keep perverts like you from parading in my personal space." Snape snarled.

"Ah, you know you love it."

"I'm afraid you are mistaking me with someone else." Snape grumbled.

"Look if you still don't believe that I'm your boy wonder why don't you come with me to Knockturn Alley." Harry said smoothly.

"Why? So you can have your way with me, you pervert. I may be a man and all but I still have some brains and I know plenty of people who want to kill me."

"Well, then good luck in appeasing the headmaster because neither of you will ever find out where your boy wonder is unless you will accompany me." Harry said. "If it makes you feel any better Ron will join us too."

"Yes, that makes me feel soooooo much better. Kind of slow on the take with Miss Granger always showing off to him, her great skills." Snape said. "If I were him I'd simply murder her and have it all done and over with."

"I always had the impression that you wanted her to shut up with the way she always shows off in class. It took a while for the two of us to get used to it."

"Let's say I do believe you, how is going to Knockturn alley going to prove that you are in fact Harry Potter. You felt oddly comfortable with your new name, _Mr Wonton_."

Harry giggled.

"Really mature."

"Look sorry, it was all Ron's idea." Harry said. "If you'd like I could give you a kiss to make it all better."

Snape turned sour, his face a pallid red.

"OUT." He said throwing the man from his quarters.

HPSS

"So how did it go, mate?" Ron asked Harry as they walked through the Great Hall stalking Professor Quirrell who was striding down corridors with an ill intent.

"Last week he threw me in the hall after I asked him for a kiss."

"That does explain that shiner you had all last week." Ron said. "If I were you, I'd be a bit more subtle with your intentions. You don't want another harpy on your hands, do you?"

"Look Snape is no Hermione. I think he would offer you a token of congratulations. You did murder your own wife."

"And I don't regret it with all the harping that woman did."

"Where's he going?" Harry asked referring to Quirrell who was turning in a hidden alcove.

Outside was a troll conceiling in a large cloak.

"The cost of this cloak had better be worth it." Quirrell murmured under his breath. "The Dark Lord has cost me almost 50 galleons with his plans of infiltration."

The troll who was probably three times the size of Hagrid wasn't visible at all never mind the hairy feet peaking out underneath the cloak or the nasty smell of manure.

Slowly the troll lingered behind Professor Quirrell. The man must have passed probably tons of older students in the halls who were secretly snogging in shadowy alcoves acted oddly non-chalant around the man and the troll.

"Hey Professor Quirrell," Ron called to the man.

"Ah P-Professor Frankfurter." Quirrell greeted looking rather flustered.

"Did you forget about the party today?" Ron inquired, almost vomiting at the scent of the troll. "Me and Professor Wonton were looking for you."

At the corner of his eye, Harry spotted Professor Snape walking towards them as Quirrell was turned towards them engaging in conversation.

Harry turned towards Ron giving him a meaningful glance before his eyes darted towards Snape.

His arms at his sides making sure Snape saw the movement he pointed to the hairy legs of the troll.

"Won't you join us in the Muggle Studies classroom? You had the position before Harry didn't you? We even went through all the effort in decorating it." Ron said slinging his arm over Quirrell's as Harry opened the door and closed it once they were inside.

Once the door was closed, Snape in a quick action attempted to sneak on the conceiled troll. In a quick action, the troll removed the cloak.

Snape paled in horror as it proceeded to rip off a sword from a piece of armour and swung it around.

Teeth clinched in fury, Snape vowed if he ever discovered that the man who had been trying to seduce him was in fact Harry Potter he would kill him. Not literally of course but more along the lines of mortally injuring.

HPSS

After the party dragged on towards the late hours of the night to the early hours of morning, Harry and Ron made their way towards breakfast.

In the corridors, students were murmuring amongst themselves in their little groups.

"Did you hear?" Harry recognised Seamus Finnagan in the corner talking with Ron when he was younger.

"About what?" Ron's younger self huffed gruffly.

"Professor Snape's in the hospital wing."

"Wonder what happened to the Greasy git?" He said chortling, sympathy glimmered in his eyes.

"Heard he had a little fiasco in the hall." Harry added.

"What did you do, mate?" Ron asked curiously.

"I didn't do nothing." Harry retorted, "I asked him if he was ready and he looked prepared."

"I heard he was mauled by a troll." Seamus said.

Immediately Harry paled in worry and dashed to the hospital wing leaving Ron in his wake.

"What was that all about?" Seamus asked.

"The muggle studies professor has a little crush on Professor Snape it seems." Ron replied with amusement causing the two boys to turn green with horror.

At his arrival in the hospital wing, Snape looked to be sleeping. Harry looked in horror as he appeared covered in bandages.

"Ridiculous, who in one's right mind would confront a troll alone?" Harry heard Poppy mumbling to herself.

"Is he going to be alright?" Harry asked sitting at the Professor's side.

"He won't take too kindly to any guests."

"Didn't he tell you? We're lovers." Harry said causing Poppy to flush.

"Keep your business out of the hospital wing, young man." Poppy said sternly before leaving in quite the hurry.

"I know it seems impulsive coming from me but I think I could have loved you if I had given you a chance even then." Harry said thinking back to his sixth year when his hatred had fogged up his perceptions of the potions master. "Too bad I'd never had an interest in guys before any of this. I recall you looked quite sexy in your black robes."

The potions master sleeping there looked quite innocent and his lips quite tantalising and kissable.

Harry leant towards the potion master and captured his lips in a tantalising kiss at about the same time Snape was aware of something cool and soft, grazing his lips.

'That pervert!' Snape thought holding back his fury by clinching his fists. 'When I'm up and moving again...'

HPSS

The next morning, Snape awoke to the man holding his hand at his bedside. This was going too far.

"Hi sir, I'm glad you're still in one piece."

Snape narrowed his eyes at Harry with a zoning glare.

"What was that troll doing in the halls?"

"Professor Quirrell brought it in, sir."

"I know that." Snape said with exasperation.

"Well you asked sir. If you want a specific answer, ask a specific question."

"Why were you talking with Professor Quirrell?"

"We invited him to a party to celebrate a year of remaining celibrate."

"The real answer please." Snape said with clinched fists. Clearly the man wasn't celibrate but he wasn't jealous. No way, not at all.

"Alright, really it was all for the purpose in protecting the students. The troll would have really made a mess of things and all if left by itself. Quite a fine stroke of luck that we didn't die last time as I admit we were kind of slackers in school and the only spell we knew was Wingardium Leviosa. Fluffy really did you in last time. Well, at least this time you don't have a mauled leg."

"Come here."

Harry drew closer and a sharp fist came across his face causing him to fall to the ground.

"Don't think you were being coy. Try to kiss me again and I'll personally destroy that libido of yours." Snape said before he saw a smirk on the man's face nearly tempting him to do just that.

"Fine, Professor." He said before smirking with a lascvious grin.

END of Chapter 2.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3.

Once Snape was released from the hospital wing recieving an odd look from Madam Pomfrey he walked towards the humped witch statue in the middle corridor on the second floor after told to meet them Weasley and Potter there.

"Tempus."

'Over 15 minutes late.' Snape thought gruffly as he was pacing in front of the statue.

Harry and Ron appeared seconds later, "Sorry sir, we were held up along the way."

"Typical 'Potter' behavior though in no way does it prove that you are Harry Potter."

"Whatever you say, sir." Harry replied with amusement before Snape turned heading towards Hogsmeade."

Harry poked Snape before he could take 10 steps.

"Sir, this way." Harry said pointing the opposite direction.

"Potter, I'm amazed with your attendence at this school that you don't know the correct direction to Hogsmeade."

"Don't you trust me? I know what I'm doing."

"He's right, Sir. We know a shortcut." Ron added with amusement.

"Fine." Snape said reluctantly following them.

Along the way, the trio ran across the three of them.

"What do the two of you think you're doing around here, while I'm mopping these floors?" Argus inquired.

"Look Argus, we were just finishing conversing and we're making our way to Hogsmeade."

"'ave you seen Peeves around here?"

"I haven't seen that bloody poltergeist."

"We haven't chatted in quite a while. I thinks you owe me one."

"Really, I must insist..." Snape protested until Argus appeared to spot Peeves vanishing in one of the classrooms in the hall and dragged Snape alongside him.

"Where do you think they've gone?"

"Probably to talk. Look Ron we don't have much time. Let's get the Marauder's map from Filch's office quickly before they get back." Harry said.

HPSS

By the time the two men had finished raiding Filch's office, Snape returned his face red and sour as if he tasted something horrible.

"What happened to you?" Harry asked.

"YOU...MENACE." Snape screeched before spitting out in an outburst of anger. "Because of you word has gone around that the two of us are lovers..."

"How is this a bad thing?"

"It doesn't seem bad to you but what about my reputation?"

"Look if I knew you were going to harp about it, I would have followed Ron's advice and would have been more subtle."

"I wouldn't have followed either of your advice. You obviously have nuts for brains and you, Mister I'm-too-afraid-of-confrontation obviously have pillows for fists."

Harry saw Ron's fists clenching.

"I'd refrain from insulting Ron too badly, sir. The last person who tried to do so found themselves murdered by the sharp end of a knife."

"La, la, la, I'm not listening." Ron said tuning out his ears.

"It's very scarring for Ron because she was his first wife." Harry murmured to Snape.

Snape paled in horror. "Are you threatening me?"

"No, it's true. On the day of his trial, he happened to apparate to my house. Kingsley was still looking for him a day before we disappeared."

Snape gulped.

Once in Hogsmeade the three apparated outside the Leaky Cauldron and made their way to Knockturn Alley.

Jewel and Vivan stood outside their store doing their enticing dance. Upon catching the sight of Ron and Harry they proceeded in greeting the two men.

"Hey." They both cried to the boys.

As they met up with the two girls, Harry proceeded to ask his question to the two women.

"My friend here," Harry motioned towards Snape who frowned. "wants to know how to remove our disguises."

"Really?" Jewel asked lunging towards Snape. Snape was infuriated with her close proximity and blatant obliviousness.

"Yes."

"Are you sure?"

"I will not repeat myself."

"The one who wishes to unveil the disguise has to shake their hips three times, wave their arms as they dance in around in a circle remaining in the same spot and jump once."

"WHAT?"

"I'm serious, if you wish to undo the glamour that's what you have to do."

"You heard the woman, Potter. Start dancing."

"That's no good." Vivan said. "Only the person who wishes to remove the glamour can do the dance otherwise the reversed enchantment won't work."

Snape glared at Vivan hating every fabric of her being.

"The question now is your curiousity worth being humiliated in front of the four of us?" Vivan asked cockily.

"Vivan, you're embarrassing him." Jewel said voice laced with anxiety at the building pressure of a heating confrontation.

"For someone who isn't convinced that this man isn't Harry Potter. You sure like to call him by his name."

Snape flushed visibly at the harsh scrutiny of Vivan.

"Forget it." He uttered under the pressure of the scrutiny. It wasn't worth his own humiliation dancing in front of the four of them.

'If it was just Potter and me though...' Snape thought. 'What am I saying?'

Suddenly the three of them ran into a valley of wizards pointing their wands at Harry Potter.

"Mr Wonton, you are under arrest for the turning of Ms. Selene Lovegood."

HPSS

"What did you do?" Snape asked viciously.

"Look I'm going to have to take a raincheck with the minister. I don't think Dumbledore would approve of members of his staff being sent to Azkaban." Harry said to the wizards.

"I fancy Mr Wonton doesn't want Professor Snape as his prisonmate and all the sadistic sex that comes with it." Ron said causing the wizards to flush darkly lowering their wands turned off by the nasty images.

"Quit ignoring me." Snape tried to cut in.

"Refrain for a minute. Didn't the Minister say Mr Wonton turned Miss Lovegood into a vampire?"

Harry turned at a familiar voice and spotted Nymphadora Tonks talking with one of the wizards. He saw Moody and Kingsley as well.

"Clearly this man couldn't possibly be the person responsible for turning Miss Lovegood. Vampires have skin that glistens in the sunlight, right? Yellow eyes from feasting off of animals because 'evolution' made it so that they don't rely on feasting on human blood, right? Vampires also have female mates and clearly this man has a male mate."

"WHAT?" Snape asked in shock and exasperation being referred to as Potter's mate. "Why me, clearly this man has affiliations with Mr Frankfurter here?"

"Your wrong, observe how Mr Frankfurter...is that his name? Observe how he holds the two women close to his side. Clearly he's a ladies man. He even has a decent harem established here." Tonks explained.

Snape looked at Ron in shock.

"I'm kidding, vampire skin doesn't glisten in the sunlight, it melts. I'll have you know though the day vampires become vegetarians is the day I'll hook up with Charlie Weasley." She said proudly. "It's Tonks, pleasure to meet you two. Snape it's only polite that you introduce us."

Snape glared at her.

"This is Professor Wonton and Professor Frankfurter." Snape explained impassively causing Tonks to chortle with giggles.

"Are you serious? I thought they were using alias. Is that their real name?"

Snape turned to look at his two companions giving him the gaze that told him to remain quiet about their true identities.

"Yes."

HPSS

"Just where do you think your going?" Snape asked.

The three of them had returned to Hogwarts, Jewel giving Ron a flute as a parting gift.

"Isn't that the flute that old man was selling nearby?" Harry asked inquiring about Ron's flute, ignoring Snape. "He used that flute to summon snakes from his clay pots."

"Still if Hermione had thought to give me one I would have allowed her to own me and so much more." Ron said with a lovesick smile as he held the flute close to his chest.

"Are you two ignoring me?"

If Snape didn't know better he would have thought they were heading towards the forbidden corridor of the third floor.

"So Professor, how do you like Jewel and Vivan?" Harry inquired, he and Ron giggling about something they had conversed between themselves.

"Jewel is too clingy and Vivan is too sultry for my tastes." Snape said.

"What kind of women do you love?" Harry asked curiously.

"Where are you going with this inquiry?"

Suddenly Ron and Harry exchanged knowing smiles before pointing their wand at the Potions Professor.

"Stupefy."

The last thing Snape saw was the smug looks on Weasley and Potter before everything turned black.

Quickly the two dragged the unconscious professor in a room next door, the two unfolded the map.

"I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good." Harry and Ron whispered to the map. Opening it the floors to the corridor appeared uninhabited and they ran towards the door on the third floor.

As both entered the room both froze in fear as the three headed dog snarled, drool seeping from it's mouth.

"Funny, the last time I remember going through this door I don't remember Fluffy being quite as menacing." Ron said.

"Play the flute, Ron." Harry said in a frenzy.

Ron was feeling around his clothes for the flute, Jewel had given him.

"RON!" Harry called out frantically tone laced in worry.

Ron's sweaty hands reached for the flute that he spotted on the stone floor and dropped it as he was looking for the mouth piece.

"Hurry up, Ron."

Ron blew on the flute and slowly the three headed dog was lulled to sleep.

Together the two jumped into the trapdoor.

HPSS

"This is just as ridiculous as the first time we did this." Ron said struggling encompassed in vines.

"You'd think after the first time you'd actually remember what Hermione told you or at the very least retain the memories of Professors actually teaching you." Harry huffed. "Struggle, strangle yourself, die and let it be known that Hermione taught you nothing."

"Not my fault, she's a hot-blooded harpy." Ron snorted.

"Incendio."

The vines wilted to dust.

"So what's the next room?"

"It's the keys, because the task after that was the potions."

In the next room was a lonely broomstick leaning against the wall.

"Wasn't there three broomsticks leaning against this wall?"

"Your guess is as good as mine." Ron replied.

Harry boarded the broomstick and pursued the golden winged key amongst the silver ones.

After obtaining the key, they opened the door to a life-sized chess set.

"Not this again." Ron groaned.

"Oh I completely forgot about this."

END of Chapter 3.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4.

Something jutted his body which felt sore and numb as if someone had knocked him out. Snape groaned feeling very groggy.

Where were those two menacing colleagues of his? The two of them had given him a horrid headache with their horrid attempts at spell casting. He ought to teach the two of them how it was really done.

Getting to his feet he walked to the entrance of the door looking around to see who jarred his body and was reasonably shocked to see Quirrell scurrying about.

"Foiled my plans, those two professors." Quirrell muttered to himself. "If I'd succeeded I could have created a skillful diversion sneaking into the third floor corridor and obtaining the philosopher's stone."

"Professor Quirrell," Quirrell mimicked Ron's voice. "Have you ever had sex? Professor would you happen to know a great spell to make lube. Professor Quirrell did you know Snape is gay? They're so irritating."

Snape grit his teeth so that's how the rumour spread.

"Like I care that fling with Eileen was enough to last my entire lifetime, it's a pity she winded up with that muggle." Quirrell murmured.

Scoffing Snape turned taking the short cut to the third floor corridor.

HPSS

"Harry do you remember Professor McGonagall leaving out the Queen's piece? I'm sure I was a knight last time."

"With a luck of the draw, we probably altered the board in our favour."

"But Harry I still have to get to the other side."

"Then take the horse."

Both pieces set in motion, the game had gone on for hours and Harry was thrown in a predicament cornered by a bishop, a rook, and a pawn.

His own knight was protecting blocking him from capturing the rook and the pawn was bound to take it on the next turn.

"Get the pawn." Ron cried.

"Look strategically all you'd have to do was get to the other side of the board." A deep voice murmured. "The game is over the moment you are on the other side so why dwaddle and waste valuable time."

"Snape, good of you to join us." Ron said.

Harry crossed and got rid of the bishop and stepped off the last square before the rook protecting the bishop could retaliate.

Gruffly Snape grabbed hold of the scruff of Harry's shirt.

"You dare leave me unconscious in that darkened corridor? You become more and more like your father everyday, Potter."

Harry shrugged. "All in a day's work I suppose."

HPSS

The next room was seven vials of potions on a wooden table alongside a scroll of parchment telling of a riddle.

"_Danger lies before you, while safety lies behind,_

_Two of us will help you, whichever you would find,_

_One among us seven will let you move ahead,_

_Another will transport the drinker back instead,_

_Two among our number hold only nettle wine,_

_Three of us are killers, waiting hidden in line._

_Choose, unless you wish to stay here for evermore,_

_To help you in your choice, we give you these clues four:_

_First, however slyly the poison tries to hide_

_You will always find some on nettle wine's rightside;_

_Second, different are those who stand at either end,_

_But if you would move onwards neither is your friend;_

_Third, as you see clearly, all are different size,_

_Neither dwarf nor giant holds death in their insides;_

_Fourth, the second left and the second on the right_

_Are twins once you taste them, though different at first sight._"

"Either of the potions on the end could lead backwards but one of them obviously contains poison. Nettle wine can only be to the left of poison so the second vial on the left isn't poison so the vial on the right has to be poison."

"Bravo, Potter. Quite an easy deduction to make but which is the poison?"

"Since poison can only be on the right side of the nettle wine then obviously the way through the black flames is from the third potion from the right."

"I'll remain here. Professor Quirrell was heading here as well and will probably sneak through the third floor corridor. I'll confront him here." Snape said.

The two of them took a swig of the potion and walked through the black flames.

There in the middle of the next room was the Mirror of Erised. Professor Quirrell's eyes were boring through the mirror at their movement, he turned towards them.

"What are you two doing here?" Quirrell asked.

"Us? What are you doing here, didn't you go through the third floor corridor?" Ron asked in return.

"Why would I go that way? Snape's body was clearly blocking the shortcut so I simply waited til he left." Quirrell stated. "I'm sad to say I can't let the two of you leave this place alive."

Harry thrust his wand at DADA professor but it was gone with a flick of his wand.

"Great, Ron he disarmed me of my wand." Harry sighed. "Look, can I borrow yours?"

"Here mate." Ron said tossing his wand to Harry who was dodging hexes from Quirrell.

More hexes flew his way and Harry barely dodged one before he conjured a shield.

"Expelliarmus."

The wand was expelled from Harry's hands.

"Great now I'm completely defenceless. Rats, I should have had a backup plan. See Ron I told you she was practical. Hermione always got us out of sticky situations, we could have went into this at least with a backup plan." Harry explained.

"Stupefy." Quirrell pointed at Ron before he could make a retort. Harry took this as his cue to kick the wand out of his hands.

Snarling Quirrell stepped to the side and tore a sword from a nearby suit of armour.

Harry walked to Ron's body and took the flute from his hands and began to blow it.

A sword appeared and quickly as Quirrell swiped the sword towards him, Harry held the sword in it's path and it took the form of a tennis racket.

Harry looked quizzatically at the tennis racket in his hands just in time as Quirrell's sword swiped for round 2 and it turned a stuffed teddy bear. The objects varied everytime Quirrell swung his sword: a rubber ducky, a toilet brush, an umbrella, a stone weight which made him yelp in agony as it dropped on his foot.

"The gall of you, I've had it. Let's end this once and for all." Quirrell uttered lifting the weight from his foot.

Together the two danced around with their swords, Harry's constantly changing to various handheld object til he was cornered by a stone wall with Quirrell pointing the sword directly across his jugular.

"This is it. Any last words?"

"Look behind you."

Quirrell turned and Snape was looking particularly menacing broke his neck with the two of his hands.

"That's amazing, Professor." Ron commented, Harry assumed at some point that he'd woken up.

"That's standard defence. Neither of you have the skill in martial arts and both of you lack the practicality of coming up with a backup plan." Snape snarled.

"Why did you kill him, Professor? I almost had him." Harry inquired angrily completely ignoring what Snape was saying.

"He had the nerve to sleep with my mother and brag about it like she was some whore. It's an insult to be associated with such trash." Snape replied non-chalantly. "Don't mistake it for some concern of your well-being because it would be a wasted effort. You're clearly a death trap waiting to happen."

With Harry obtaining the philosopher's stone from the Mirror of Erised, the three began to make their way to the exit.

"You know, I can't help but think we're forgetting something important." Ron said as they were walking towards shortcut to the hall instead of the long way through the trapdoors.

A horrid sound permeated the room and Snape shivered with familiar fear.

There near the corner of the room was an ugly troll.

"Oh, that's right. Last time we were here Professor Quirrell knocked out the troll." Harry huffed with fear.

Ron picked up both his and his friend's wand.

"Look Harry I will go get help." Ron said giving Harry his wand before running towards the exit. "You two stay here and try not to die."

"Encouraging, next time you are in a similar predicament I'll remember to tell you that." Harry muttered miserably.

HPSS

Ron brought Madam Pomfrey to the third floor corridor where Snape was nursing an injured leg with Harry leaning on him nearby seeming to be asleep while his right arm seemed to slink like dead weight.

"What happened to you two?"

"Troll. Big Giant Troll. With massive stamina."

"Never in all my life have I ever seen Snape such a stammering mess." Poppy commented before shaking his head at the ridiculousness of her previous dialogue. "Is stupidity contagious? What's the matter with your heads. You don't fight a troll with two people that's why they have a section at the Ministry for dealing with magical creatures, you bloody idiots."

Ron laughed at the potion master's face plastered with surprise and helped the medi-witch conjure stretchers for them.

Weeks after their injuries had sufficiently recovered, Ron stood at Harry's bedside.

"Say mate, you never did tell me what happened after I left."

"It was terrible. I remember being scared. Snape was as white as a sheet almost as bad as the day he died." Harry explained. "The troll was tromping towards us and it tried to smash our brains with it's knarly arms and we barely dodged it in time. We split up but after dodging it a couple of times it finally caught me by the arm and tossed me across the room. After that I think it managed to grab Snape by the legs and tossed him against the wall as well but..."

"We tripped it," Snape said with a smile. "It was my idea by the way so don't let Potter convince you of anything different."

"With what?" Ron asked.

"A conjured rope of course."

A knock on the door interrupted their conversation.

"Come in, Dumbledore." Snape called out to the old man.

"Glad to see you are well, my boy."

"I'm sorry that the two of you were pulled in my scheme. I've suspected that Professor Quirrell was in pursuit of the philosopher's stone for quite a while so I designated a trap in order to obtain some concrete evidence to convict him. Unfortunately the stone had to be replaced with a fake one due to some grave circumstances." Dumbledore explained.

"That wouldn't have to do with the fact your boy wonder happens to be missing would it, you manipulative old coot?"

"Of course not, in my merry old matter I can inconspicuously tell you in such a complicated matter that I'm not manipulative as you all would believe. That fact I am saying this like any mentorisque old man isn't a front to conceil all of my hidden intents, not at all."

"Why do I get the feeling, Dumbledore is hiding something?" Harry inquired.

"...Dumbledore is more barmy in the head." Ron uttered.

"...that you're lying." Snape snarled.

All three said this at the exact same time.

"I'll leave your company now, gentlemen."

HPSS

In the final weeks of the winter term after Snape and Harry had sufficiently recovered, Harry stopped by Snape's office once more.

"So what are you going to do for Christmas?"

"I don't celebrate that wretched holiday." Snape replied as if he had a sour taste in his mouth.

"Are you green?"

"What?"

"If I didn't know any better I'd say you were the Grinch in disguise." Harry said chuckling with amusement. "Hope you don't steal my Christmas presents. Merlin forbid you ruin the Christmas spirit and all and Santa is secretly turns out to be some ghost who haunts the bodies of those who don't give any gifts."

"Not funny."

"So you're just going to remain in the company of your quarters for four weeks?"

"You are welcome to join." Snape supplied with a malicious grin, to Harry it was the equivalent of a death threat.

"No thanks, I fancy my body to remain in one piece."

Snape snorted.

"You're impossible. You know that?" Harry huffed.

"Leaving sometime soon?" Snape inquired with amusement leaning back in his favourite chair.

"Alright." Harry sighed before making his way towards the door.

Suddenly the door was shattered into pieces as a couple of pale faced people ran through the door.

Harry laughed at the look on Snape's face. The man's mouth remained open in horror at the wooden mess that littered his quarters.

"What are y-?" Harry started to ask before he was cut off by a gallant voice.

"Lord Wonton!"

Harry looked at them with an expression akin to surprise.

"You are officially granted this honour because you bestowed to us one dead human body in hopes of repopulating a group of magical creatures whose primary instinct is to drain humans of their blood in the end killing them. I'd be honoured Lord Wonton."

"Look it's all in a day's work. What's the difference of a couple of deaths to satisfy the vampire population? As long as my actions weren't useless in the development of my plan then it's fine." Harry drawled.

"Well, we've come across a bit of a problem." One of the vampires said.

"Due to resurrecting the body of Selene Lovegood via vampire venom. She's managed to procure techniques in creating artificial bodies making us able to spread our kind and all. Problem is Fudge passed a law limiting our movements so Sanguini asked Worple to take the matter to Madam Bones." Another vampire stammered quickly. "She's trying to pass a wizard veto over the law but we believe Fudge has hired an assassin to kill her."

"What do you want ME to do about it?" Harry replied stammering quickly, clearly panicking.

"Well after you saved our race from nearly going to extinction and all, we thought you might be our hero."

"I only gave you one dead human body, I refuse to be a hero."

"Why?"

"One it will only lead to selfless sacrifice and I can't afford it with this plan I hatched that I wrote. It's quite a long list and I think I lost it somewhere."

"You didn't even make a list." Snape cut in snorting.

"Two it can only end in angst, self-pity, more angst, and angst, and I'm trying to avoid that as much as possible even though I do fit the criteria for the anti-hero I've got to admit."

"Fine, you don't have to be the hero and all but you got to admit doesn't it sound a bit fun to lead a rebellion against the Minister for Magic?"

"Alright, alright you got me." Harry sighed. "All you got to do now is convince Snape to accompany us."

"Me? Why? These vampires just barge in, into my private quarters, break down my door and you want ME to accompany you? I ought to throw you out at the suggestion." Snape snarled.

"But you won't because you love me."

Snape flushed.

Upon apparation from Hogsmeade to London, Harry, Snape and the vampires made their way through Diagon Alley and down a couple of dark alleys in Knockturn Alley before coming to some stairs leading south to a hidden door.

Upon entering, Harry saw most of the Order members setting around a stone table drinking from glass mugs amongst the vampires.

What caught Harry's eye though was the sight of a young girl with dreamy blue eyes.

'Luna?'

End of Chapter 4.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5.

"Hey," Harry called out to his old friend.

Luna turned towards him. "Were you the one who saved my mum?"

"Um, yes."

"Thank you." Luna said. "Mum wants to meet you."

Luna dragged Harry over to meet a tall woman with palor white skin, blonde hair and a soft smile.

"This is the man."

"Oh yes, Mr Wonton. That isn't your real name is it?" Selene inquired with a knowing smile. "I must thank you for putting my life back together again. There's just some much potential for me out there it would be a pity I should die before I've explored all of the possibilities."

"Are you the leader of the rebellion?" Harry stammered.

"Yes."

"What do we call ourselves?" Luna asked.

"Luna, there is no need for us to name our little group." Selene explained holding her close. "Most people tend to like it better when people like us refrain from picking titles as often times they are cheesy and it often makes muggle pull their hair. That and the hairflies that scuttle about causing hair to fall out. The cases of baldness amongst wizards rise every year."

"So what is the first course of action?"

"Let's not be too hasty. Why don't you take this time to get acquainted and make a couple of new friends?"

"Alright." Harry sighed with defeat before leaving their group to find Severus.

Snape was talking with Lupin at the far left side of the table.

"Getting acquainted?" Harry said joining in their conversation.

Snape who had been scowling over their conversation looked at Harry and looked at Remus before his expression morphed to something akin to amusement.

"Lupin, I'd like you to meet Mr _Wonton."_

"Mr Wonton, this here is Lupin."

Both men exchanged handshakes. Harry winced at the strength of the werewolf as the knuckles on his right hand made a crackling sound.

"Ouch,"

"Pity, I haven't the remedy to treat your injury." Snape said with amusement.

Harry grabbed Snape's hand with left and leaned closer planting a kiss on Snape's lips.

"It's alright, I'll live." Harry said, with a grin causing Snape to turn red sputtering with angry retorts.

"The nerve of that man, I'm going to kill him one of these days." Snape grumbled as Harry went about his merry way.

"Why Snape...Is he...YOUR LOVER?" Remus chided with amusement.

"Never." Snape replied refraining from looking into the other man's eyes.

HPSS

Later Snape stumbled across Harry sitting alone on a sofa while everyone else was talking in their little groups.

"So what's this list that you were talking to Ms Lovegood about?" He asked.

"There is none." Harry said before grinning with a sense of accomplishment. "I may be from the future and all but I'm satisfied with how things turned out."

"Everything you've done so far has lacked structure and organisation. For Merlin's sake, you didn't even have a backup plan when confronting Quirrell and his pet troll."

"Why, Severus I didn't know you cared."

"Don't call me Severus, Potter." Snape said taking a seat next to Harry.

"Then don't call me Potter, Snape." Harry said before he arose from his seat and began pacing in front of the other man.

"Don't you have a plan or a list of things you are going to do?"

"Look why should I plan everything out. It's tedious, it's a waste of time and is clearly wishful thinking. If I had the time to have the power of a god at my fingertips there would be no point in flirting with you and trying to kill Voldemort because I could probably do both a million times without breaking into a sweat." Harry explained.

"Not if I broke every bone in your body ever time you attempted to do so." Snape snarled.

"Relax, I mean no real harm from it."

"I've gone through 4 vials of mouthwash and quite frankly can't wash the taste of your saliva from my mouth."

"Sorry, if it makes you feel any better I'll buy you somemore."

"Forget it."

HPSS

In the trial room where the members of the Wizengamot cast their votes to veto the legislation, the Unnamed which was the official name for the group seeking to remove Fudge from his office, stood conceiled within the spectators.

Harry sat next to Snape whose hands were encompassed by the man's causing nervous fidgeting.

"Are you alright, Sir."

"Unhand me, Potter." Snape murmured quietly through gritting teeth.

"Quiet, sir. You wouldn't want anyone to overhear our conversation would you. I'd hate to see you dead at the hands of my friend." Harry said innocently.

Snape gulped and refrained. The heat from the man's hand was suffocating and the implications of it made him want to hurl.

"Look," Harry said suddenly and Snape turned following his eyes to the man on the other side. "His wand is pointed at Madam Bones."

"There's another one too." Snape murmured looking towards his right.

"Let's go." Harry said carefully sneaking out of the trial room.

Outside the room where one of assassins were hidden, Harry and Snape crept quietly into the room and hid in a nearby corner.

Harry's hand was resting on his back but the gesture was oddly comforting.

"They're getting ready to shoot her." Harry murmured.

Suddenly the man turned.

"Who's there?"

Harry turned to look at Snape prepared to hall them both to their feet.

Snape was clearly panicking if the racing heart had anything honest to say. His lips were quivering and Harry thought they looked quite kissable.

"Excuse my actions." He whispered before Snape was overcome by a brutal kiss.

At the corner of his eye, Harry could see the man who had ran towards them turned green at the sight of them.

Adding to the drama, Harry's tongue began to graze his bottom lip as if seeking entrance to his mouth. This was going to far.

Snape pushed him away wiping his lips with the back of his hand before he waved his wand knocking him unconscious.

A scream began to echo through the crowds outside and all the people were standing about. Harry saw that Lupin had a wizard in a choke hold.

"Cease this at once." Fudge uttered before looking around catching sight of several aurors with some shady wizards in their custody.

"Looking for someone, Fudge?" Sanguini inquired triumphantly.

"This isn't over. If an assassin can't get it done, I'll finish off the job myself." Fudge said taking his wand from his robes and pointing it at Madam Bones.

Harry ran and jumped down the high alcove right when Remus released the man he had ensnared who pummelled painfully to the floor at his feet.

Lupin quickly encumbered the Minister before he could kill Madam Bones.

"Good job, Mr Lupin." Kingsley uttered.

"Couldn't have done it better myself." Tonks said with a grin.

HPSS

"Oh Merlin, who convinced that old man to hire _that_ man to become DADA professor."

"Don't sulk, Potter. It doesn't become you."

"I know we killed Professor Quirrell and all but he didn't have to hire Professor Lockhart did he?"

"I don't see the issue, it's not as if he treated you terribly."

"He removed the bones from my arm. I had to take Skelegro...SKELEGRO. I had to regrow all of the bones in my arm."

"Look Potter, don't be so dramatic. It isn't as if you are going to allow him to do the same thing will you."

Harry grinned.

"I think I have a plan."

"And that's what I'm afraid of. Don't get any vibrant ideas, Potter. I'm not getting involved in your little schemes."

At the beginning of the term, Ron returning to his quarters was greeted by the sight of his friend laying in a seductive position across his bed.

"Look mate, I know you haven't had any men to shag lately but by no means does this imply that you can turn your affections towards me."

Harry threw a pillow at him angrily. "RON!"

"I was kidding, mate."

"Did you hear about the DADA professor?"

"No. Anything I show know."

"Dumbledore hired Professor Lockhart."

"What do you want me to do about it?"

"Can't you kill him or something?"

"Sorry, I've turned over a new leaf. If it was Umbridge maybe, but this is Lockhart."

"Fine...Wait a second. Your twin brothers maybe they could help me."

"Fred and George?"

"Yeah."

"Just when I thought you couldn't sink any lower."

"Hey, I didn't resort to killing my own wife." Harry said defensively.

"Well to your defence, Ginny isn't as bad as Hermione."

"She was getting there."

Ron gave Harry a knowing look.

"Fine, I'll admit it. She wasn't even close to that margin."

HPSS

Meanwhile in Azkaban, Sirius Black was taken from his cell from several prison guards. The man was pale and sickly and quite frankly looked like an uglier version of Snape.

Lucius Malfoy paced quickly in front of him and turned suddenly to stare at him with cold grey eyes.

"How did you do it?" Lucius asked.

Sirius remained quiet.

"There was probably 50 assassins in that room."

Sirius remained unresponsive.

"Fine, it might have been 10 but the funds were limited."

The prisoner was still unresponsive.

"I know you had something do with it." Lucius snarled. "What's your secret? What makes you tick?"

Smack!

Lucius had slapped Sirius across the face.

"If you don't talk I have ways of making you spill your secrets." Lucius said with a malicious smile unfurling a black whip in his hand.

"Nooooo" Sirius screams echoed throughout the building.

Meanwhile that same day after the two pranksters were about to leave their last class, Harry called them back.

"You two, come with me. I need to talk with you."

"Yes, Professor."

"You see we have a tight schedule to keep."

"How do you two like the DADA professor?"

"He's cool."

"He's awesome."

Harry looked at them with horror.

"Honestly?"

"No, Mum would send us a howler if we were to express our mutual dislike."

"Would the two of you like to pull some pranks?"

"Why certainly."

"Never pictured Professor Wonton to be quite the prankster."

"Guess we'll have to remove those fart cushions from your chair."

"Well thanks, I think." Harry said. Luckily he had only had 10 students in his muggle studies class. All of them had snickered at the sound of the flatuence in the classroom earlier that day.

"We'll hand you the finished product after lunch. Perhaps something to expose the exhibitionist side of our DADA professor."

"See you, Professor."

At lunch, Harry gritted his teeth as Lockhart began leaning a little too close in Snape's personal space talking about his marvelous feats.

Though Snape didn't seem too amused, Harry couldn't stop the jealousy and gritted his teeth staring at the Weasley twins who winked at him.

Suddenly all the clothes on Professor Lockhart vanished.

Snape turned red, Professor McGonagall gasped, Professor Flitwick choked on his drink and Dumbledore was looking quite amused.

"Fancy this is a nice day to walk around in the nude." Lockhart uttered unphased at the little girls who fainted at the sight and the boys who vomited at the side of their table.

Harry groaned.

HPSS

The next day the twins gave him a gender changing taffy which instead of turning Lockhart into a woman, succeeded in turning Harry into one.

While he was eating in the great hall, he felt his chest begin to swell and his male parts begin to shrink.

Quickly Harry ran out of the hall into his quarters and locked his room.

At the beginning of Harry's afternoon classes, several students stopped by Snape's office knocking insistantly on his door.

"What is it?" Snape snapped.

"Sir, we're worried about Professor Wonton. He hasn't shown up to teach our class."

Grumbling Snape paced towards Harry's quarters and knocked on the door.

"Professor, open up."

"Go away." A shrill voice groaned.

"What's wrong?" Snape asked.

"Go away." The voice said once more.

"Should I get Madam Pomfrey?"

"No. Go away."

"Fine, but this is far from over." Snape said before snorting and turning on his heel.

Later that evening, Tonks dropped by.

"I'm sorry." She gasped blushing at the sight of a woman with long brown hair and green eyes. "I was looking for Mr Wonton."

"That's me." Harry flushed embarrassed at her predicament.

"What happened to you?"

"A prank gone wrong."

"You look quite beautiful. Can I touch you?"

Before Harry could stammer an answer, Tonks reached between them. He was quite wet.

Her other hand reached under his shirt to stroke his bosom and she kissed him.

"Moody and Kingsley couldn't show up." She said breathlessly intertwining her tongue with his. "We wanted to thank you for aiding us at the Ministry."

"Professor Wonton." A sharp cold voice interrupted their little session.

Harry turned and saw that Snape was flush, red, looked furious.

"Snape?" Harry inquired in confusion.

Snape looked flustered at his scrutiny and turned on his feet and ran out of the room.

"Snape, Snape wait." Harry called out to the man before running after him.

"I reckon I'd fancy him if he were a girl." Tonks murmured to herself as she watched Harry run after Snape.

"Snape..." Harry called out towards the man as he drew nearer. The man's dark profile nearly encompassing his vision but the two were only inches from touching and Harry was running as fast as he could. Unless Snape ceased his speed, Harry felt that he would never catch up.

"Severus." Harry tried to call out to him once more. The man stopped and Harry embraced him from behind. "Are you alright?"

Snape huffed in relief. Something about the man's voice must have comforted him. "Come on we got to get you to the hospital wing."

Harry removed his arms surrounding his chest. "Well spit it out. Laugh at me. Call my actions stupid. You know you want to."

"I do but I'll refrain, _Harry._" Snape replied hugging Harry close to his side.

"You called me by my first time." Harry said.

"You told me to, did you not?" Snape snarled in frustration.

"I didn't think you'd actually do it."

Snape flushed.

HPSS

After having sufficiently recovered in the hospital wing, Harry and the Weasley twins had pulled many pranks on the Defence professor but it wasn't meant to be. The effort were fickle.

Three weeks before the end of the term, Snape was sick of their failure.

"Look the man clearly has an inferior complex, all you have to do is skewer his perceptions a little bit." Snape added during lunch one afternoon.

"Great idea, wonder why I didn't think of that."

"You really have to plan these kind of things out."

"I know."

After breakfast the next day, Harry stiffled his giggles as Lockhart began to shriek upon glancing at Professor McGonagall.

"Gilderoy, what's wrong?"

"Ugly harpy, you stay away from me." Lockhart cringed and leaning back in his chair fell to the floor.

"Any idea how long this is going to last?"

"Probably for the rest of the term if not more."

By the end of the term, Lockhart had sent in his resignation papers to Professor Dumbledore.

End of Chapter 5. End of YEAR 1.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6.

Early one morning sitting by the potions master at the staff table, an owl swooped in dropping some parchment in Harry's lap.

"What's that?" Snape asked.

"Minister Bones wants me to work for the Ministry. Says she could use some more aurors."

Snape growled.

"If you think for one second about flirting with that multi-colour haired hag..."

"If I didn't know better I'd say you were a little jealous." Harry replied with amusement.

"I'm glad this amuses you."

"It's not that. It's just flattering hearing that from you."

Snape flushed and turned away.

"Say Professor Frankfurter."

Ron Weasley who was sitting on Harry's other side turned after being called.

"Fancy taking on a position as an auror?"

"Why?"

"Minister Bones sent me a letter offering me the position. I'm sure if I recommend you then you can go in my stead."

"Professor."

"What?"

"Are you trying to get rid of me?"

Harry gritted his teeth.

"HOW DID YOU KNOW?"

"Don't tell me this is about that time where I accidentally ditched you in that bar?"

"It was a GAY bar, you daft goon."

"Look I'm sorry ok."

Harry shook his head.

"Tsk, I'm sorry but this is the end of the line. I've dealt with your shallowness, ill-minded jealousy, tactlessness, rash impulses and murderous intents too many times."

"Fine, I'll take the job but this doesn't mean I'm keeping my eyes off of you."

"Good, because Dumbledore hired a new muggle studies professor and I need a job."

HPSS

"I'm bored." Harry muttered relaxing against Snape's favourite armchair.

"And how's that my problem?"

"It isn't."

"If it wasn't for your little vampire horde, I wouldn't have to spend my whole summer fixing the door."

"Ah, you're sulking."

"I'm not." Snape retorted flushing angrily.

"Look I know you're busy and all with repairing your door but can you go to London with me? I have to stop by Diagon Alley for a few things."

Snape nodded tensely and followed Harry.

The proximity of them was so close that their hands brushed against one another.

It was irritating yet Snape found himself seeking out the warmth of Harry's hand.

With an ounce of courage, the other man seemed to read his thoughts and grabbed his hand.

'I am not enjoying this.' Snape thought with gritted teeth and willed himself to relinguish himself from the other man's hold with no success. 'It's not as if I enjoy the warmth of his hand.'

Harry smiled feeling giddy at the feel of the other man's hand in his own.

Once they arrived, hands still intertwined, Harry began to glance around.

"Do you even know where we're going?" Snape muttered irritably.

"Obviously he hasn't a clue." A cold voice replied.

Harry turned surprised at the appearance of Lucius Malfoy.

"Any reason why you are here?" Snape asked.

"I just have a little business with your company, Severus. I hope you don't mind if the two of us talk privately."

"Not at all." Snape replied coldly.

"And since when do either of you make my decisions for me?" Harry asked ticked off at their assumption. "You can talk in the company of Snape here. Unless his hooked nose with all it's grosteque warts is too ugly for you to handle."

Lucius flushed looking undignified.

"The vampires seem to look up to you as their leader."

"Yeah, so?"

"Is it possible you can convince Minister Bones to relinguish the clause in the law about vampires having equal rights with witches and wizards?"

"No."

Lucius turned ugly. "No?"

"I didn't stutter. It's not a hard decision, if I had to choose between the two of you I'd obviously pick Snape." Harry said. "I mean he may not be great on the eyes but quite frankly though you're quite a looker, your personality shallow as it is reeks."

The two men turned and walked away.

"But-but..." Lucius stammered.

HPSS

Walking around, Harry to his amazement spotted the Weasleys outside of Flourish and Blotts looking quite pensive.

"You've looked everywhere?" Molly asked Arthur.

"Yes, she must have got lost somewhere."

"Well, check again we got to find her."

"Is something the matter?" Harry inquired walking up to them, he had released his hands from Snape at some point making the trek easier.

"We're looking for our daughter. Her name's Ginevra Weasley."

"What does she look like?" Harry asked not wanting to appear too suspicious.

"Her hair looked like Arthur's and she has brown eyes."

"Thanks I'll go look for her, ma'am."

"Now where are we going?" Snape grumbled as Harry reclaimed his hand.

"I'm looking for someone."

"I thought you needed to get some things?" He inquired.

"I may have exaggerated a little bit." Harry admitted.

"What?"

"I wanted to take a walk is that so wrong and you looked so uptight held up in your office."

"I was repairing the door to my quarters. Unlike you I value my privacy."

Harry ignored him.

"Look is that her?" He pointed to a red haired girl who was sitting outside Madam Malkin's. Her face was conceiled and he realised she was sobbing.

"How should I know? I haven't taken the time to get acquainted with all of their children. One is bad as it is."

Harry ran to Ginny.

"Are you lost?"

She looked up at him.

"Who are you?"

"A friend of your father's."

"I shouldn't talk with strangers."

"Look this here is Professor Snape, he works at Hogwarts. If it makes you feel any better he'll be accompanying us."

"Alright."

"Fancy getting an ice cream before I take you to your mother?"

"Sure."

The three stopped at Fortesque's Ice Cream Parlour nearby.

"Can you order us some ice cream. Snape wants a vanilla and I think I'll fancy a strawberry cone." Harry said giving some money to the girl who left.

"She's my wife."

"You intend on courting her?" Snape inquired indignantly. "That's paedophilia."

"Shhh, not so loud." Harry grunted bringing his hands impulsively to Snape's lips. "And no, I was intending no such thing. The only person I'd be willing to court is adverse to my feelings."

"Is it that pig nosed metamorphgus?" Snape sputtered indignantly.

"No. I was talking about you, silly."

Snape flushed.

"You-"

"Vanilla cone for you, Sir and the strawberry cone for you." Ginny said handing the ice cream cones off to the professors.

"Is it a date then?" Harry asked mischieviously.

"This isn't a date." Snape snarled.

HPSS

After giving Ginny back to the Weasleys, who already managed to finish more of their shopping and were heading back to burrow, Harry caught sight of Hermione walking into Flourish and Blotts with her parents and decided to follow wanting to skim through the books.

Lucius at some point crept up behind them as Harry was skimming the lower shelves for books.

"Look, I must insist you try to persuade the Minister to relinguish the vampire clause. If you don't the entire wizarding population will cease to exist."

Harry turned to look at those cold grey eyes.

"And I care why?" Harry drawled. "Look if you insist on pestering me please do it through owl post. I have things to do."

"I do not appreciate being addressed with such disrespect."

"What respect? I heard you were fired from your job position in the Wizengamot because you were in aid with Minister Fudge."

Harry turned and spotted Hermione Granger who cut in.

"You're a friend of his, mudblood?"

"No, do I have to be in order to defend someone from a big bully such as you?" Hermione huffed.

Lucius growled and walked out brushing by Hermione on the way.

"Way to go." Harry said before he winked his right eyelid at the girl.

"Thanks, Sir." Hermione replied blushing in embarrassment. "Mind me asking? What are you doing here with Professor Snape?"

"Skimming through a couple of books and all, getting reacquainted, friendly stuff." Harry explained.

Hermione looked at him with disbelief.

"Well, I'll see you around Mr?"

"Wonton." Harry provided.

"Wonton and Professor Snape." Hermione said cheerfully before turning to meet up with her parents.

HPSS

"Potter, I must commend you for wasting my time." Snape muttered pacing quickly, Harry barely managing to catch up.

"Not a problem." Harry said taking Snape's hand in his once more.

"If you wanted to humiliate me, you've already succeeded in doing so."

"I didn't intend on humiliating you."

Snape turned to glance on him, before Harry tightened his grip.

"Please refrain from holding onto my hand, Mr Potter."

"Why?"

"It's uncomfortable."

"What if I don't want to let go?"

Snape turned and was paralysed at the emotion in the green eyes. It was quite a familiar feeling but never one that he could put a name to, like one seeking friendship. There was no need or desire in the eyes merely warmth that welcomed him in heavenly arms.

'And I describe it with such vivid imagery I might as well be a young swooning teenage girl.' Snape thought.

As Harry's lips drew closer, Snape found he couldn't move away. The kiss was brutal and dominating as Harry shoved him against a wall nearby.

He gasped as a hot tongue swiped across his bottom lip granting entrance to the wet appendage.

His body began to slip as his legs gave out underneath him.

A firm thigh slipped between his two legs brushing against his groin.

The pressure was sinfully good and Snape found he couldn't suppress his moans.

Just when it was becoming too much however, Harry pulled back causing Snape to sink to the ground.

"What was that?"

"What?" Snape snarled feeling very ashamed of himself.

"Did you hear some rustling? I thought I heard some stiffled groans coming from that direction." Harry turned and pointed to the right.

"There's noone there, Potter." Snape said getting to his feet, wiping his lips with the back of his hand. The taste of the kiss was still there.

"Let's head back to Hogwarts then, Severus." Harry added with a soft smile on his face.

Around a corner nearby, Lucius upon witnessing this development had stopped by the Daily Prophet's main office and fetched their top reporter, Rita Skeeter.

After Amelia Bones had become Minister, the office had been closed down after most of the reporters were arrested for being involved with political bribery and treason while Fudge had been in office.

Fortunately for Rita Skeeter, she had managed to escape in her animagus form but now she was unemployed.

"That's quite a scoop there, Mr Malfoy. Who would have ever thought that this man that refers to himself as Harry Potter is in a relationship with Severus Snape?"

Lucius laughed. "That's no impersonation, he's the real thing. Severus doesn't trust just anyone, you know."

HPSS

During his first class teaching History of Magic, Harry Potter found himself greeted by the new incoming first years.

Luckily it was with the Gryffindors and the Ravenclaws.

As he was taking role, Harry noticed Ginny's hand was poised as if she had a question.

"Yes, Ms Weasley?"

"Is it true?"

"What?"

"That you're dating Professor Snape." Ginny asked curiously.

The class murmured, gossiping amongst each other.

"I assure you Ms Weasley, my personal affairs aren't your concern."

"It's just like they said." Ginny squealed with excitement. "You really are quite a modest man aren't you?"

"I'm flattered." Harry replied, his face turning crimson. "Now if we can continue with class now."

Ginny flushed with embarrassment. "Sorry."

"Not a problem." Harry uttered expression warming into a soft smile. "Today we'll be covering the history of techniques used in magic."

"Is this including stuff we'll learn in Charms, Transfiguration and Potions?" Luna asked.

"Yes, but with more of an emphasis on technique. Unfortunately it would be more useful in learning both light and dark techniques in regards to using magic as often there is a common misconception about light and dark magics but the Ministry has forbidden it so I'm left to teaching you only of the light techniques." Harry explained. "Powers in regards to magic isn't measured by a magical signature because both wizards and muggles alike have magical power. The only thing distinguishing the two is the ability to make magical intent reality. This of course cannot be measured by magical signature but rather by one's personality. You-know-who thus isn't a good wizard in regards to magic but rather due to the height of his ambition."

"Does that mean that because You-know-who is willing to believe anything is likely to happen the way he wants it, that it makes him a strong wizard?" Ginny asked.

"No, it's his motivation that makes him a strong wizard." Harry said. "He's willing to do anything to obtain his dreams however it's not without it's downsides. The dark wizard is exceedingly arrogant and often underestimates his opponents."

"What about Dumbledore?"

"His magical skill or ability doesn't compare but because he's unwilling to use it should there be any mortal circumstances he's only as skilled as your average wizard. Should he ever decide to use this magic I'm certain it would come at a mortal price worser than death itself as it is rumoured that our headmaster is certainly more powerful than you-know-who."

"You suppose he learned magic from somewhere else? Professor Flitwick did have classes with Professor Dumbledore after all." Luna said.

"Certainly, it's rumoured he was apprenticed by Nicholas Flamel."

"Oh."

After class, Ginny stayed behind.

"My older brothers told me you pulled some pretty awesome pranks on the DADA professor last year." Ginny said sheepishly avoiding Harry's eyes blushing with embarrassment.

"It's nothing really just having a little fun with my fellow staff."

"You're serious with most of the staff. The only one you seem to have the most fun with is Professor Snape."

"Really? Never seen it like that at all."

"Is there a relationship between you and Professor Snape?"

"It hasn't really developed beyond kissing."

Suddenly there was a knock on the door.

"Excuse me." Harry said running to get the door before turning to Ginny. "You should go back to class."

"Yes, Professor." Ginny went out, the moment Harry opened the door.

HPSS

The next day, Harry had the second years. Among them were Ron and Hermione who sat on opposite sides of the classroom.

Hermione sat near the front while Ron sat in the back.

After taking role, the class settled down as Harry began the lesson.

"Professor?"

Harry looked up to see the persistant raised hand of Hermione Granger.

"What is it, Ms Granger?"

"Professor, what happened to Professor Frankfurter?"

Harry heard the malicious whispers parading around the room.

"Looks like Granger's already teacher's pet."

"She really is a know it all."

"QUIET." Harry yelled out sternly. The class quieted instantly. "He decided to work for Minister Bones however he'll be returning should I need someone to teach in my place."

"Oh I see." Hermione said.

"Are you really old enough to teach us? My father thinks you're a student masquerading as a professor. He seems to harbor the belief that you're actually Harry Potter." Draco Malfoy drawled arrogantly.

Suddenly there was excessive chatter flowing throughout the classroom.

"Quiet." Harry yelled out once more before asking Draco. "Then tell me, Malfoy. How would I conceil myself? I assure you I'm under no glamour."

Hermione raised her hand.

"Ms Granger."

"How do you remove a glamour, professor?"

"The incantation in case you're curious is Finite Incantatum." Harry said before demonstrating the way to use the wand. "As you can see my appearance hasn't changed but the glamour in regards to Mr Malfoy's physical appearance has been removed."

Everyone turned to Draco glancing at him in awe.

"This however is a third year spell covered in Charms and I will be covering no more on the topic." Harry explained. "For class we'll be talking about the history of one of the rarest magical creatures in the Wizarding world, the phoenix."

"What more is there to know other than the fact that it's immortal?" Draco drawled sarcastically.

"A phoenix's arrival is marked and owned by those who understand life and death. It's almost unheard of to own one as a familiar." Harry explained.

"Professor doesn't Professor Dumbledore have a phoenix as a familiar?"

"Yes, but by no means does it mean the two are bonded through the ways of marking. Their magic is certainly compatible and that's why the two can bind in the ways of the familiar of course but it's only bonded through the one they truly belong to that one can use the power of a phoenix."

"Can they produce young? I mean they can't reproduce if they remain bonded to a wizard, our lifespans are much too long." Hermione drabbled.

"Usually a phoenix finds their mate upon arrival though if any undestined wizard should bond with a phoenix before they find their mate they would have the same aplitude of power as a destined would have with their phoenix. Unfortunately the power would be distributed between destined and undestined should the destined come across the phoenix and took if as it's familiar after having bonded with the undestined unless the phoenix found it's mate. Between a phoenix and it's mate is an unspeakable power and combined with the power of their destined wizard the three form a Chaos bond causing them to be almost unstoppable. This is why a phoenix doesn't just bond with anyone." Harry said.

HPSS

Late that evening after dinner as Luna made her way to the Ravenclaw common room she stumbled across a trio of girls from Slytherin.

"You must be Loony Lovegood. Heard your father works for that ridiculous scandalous excuse for a magazine. How many wizards subscribe to that bloody excuse for a news? If I was the Minister I would burn every last issue of the Quibbler to the ground." Pansy said.

Luna was fraught with horror and surprise as Millicent walked up and pushed her against the wall. The grip was bruising.

"Can you loosen your grip please? This necklace is supposed to ward off the Dhamphoids."

"This?" Daphne asked maliciously as she pulled on the necklace made of dried garlic.

"Please stop." Luna said. "That hurts."

"You lie." Pansy scoffed. "There is no such thing as Dhamphoids."

"Yes, there is." Luna explained. "Mum was trying to create a hybrid of humans for the vampires but after they were bitten the creatures seem to run rampant for the taste of blood. I'm not safe."

"Liar." Daphne snarled and held her fist back in preparation of punching Luna.

"I wouldn't punch her if I were you." An angry voice snarled grasping Daphne as a rough hand gripped her on the shoulder.

The three girls turned to see Harry Potter looking at them angrily.

"I'll see the three of you in detention on Saturday and if I hear you bully Ms Lovegood ever again next time you will regret it." Harry added maliciously.

After the four of them left, Luna let the tears flow in relief and found herself feeling oddly happy.

"Hey, why didn't you run away?" A girl with short ginger red hair peeked from a corner.

"I-I didn't think." Luna replied sheepishly.

"That was very stupid." The girl said.

"What's your name?"

"Susan, Susan Bones. I have to admit though it was very brave to stand your ground. What's your name?" Susan asked.

"Luna Lovegood."

"Your father works for the Quibbler right?"

"Yes."

"I'll admit I don't like the Quibbler all that much but my aunt happens to find it very amusing if that makes you feel any better."

"Thanks."

End of CHAPTER 6.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7.

"So Professor, how did go? Did Malfoy give you a hard time?" Ron asked non-chalantly stepping in on Harry serving detention with Pansy, Daphne and Millicent.

"He tried to be a smart-ass but we know Malfoy."

"Yes, like father like son." Ron said. "Look mate if he's giving you a hard time?"

Harry flushed.

"He isn't.

"Right, right. Why are these three in detention?"

"They were bullying Ms Lovegood."

"Oh, I see." Ron said absently rubbing his chin deep in thought. "I'm amazed Professor Snape agreed to this."

Suddenly both were interrupted by a loud and persistent knock on the door.

Harry opened the door and screamed a manly scream as rough hands dragged him outside.

"Oh no, Snape's going to eat me for breakfast."

"Professor Wonton!" Ron yelped in horror as his friend left the classroom.

"POTTER!" Snape snarled quietly as he shoved Harry against a wall in a darkened corridor. "What are my three students doing in detention with you?"

Harry looked indifferently in those bulging angry black eyes.

"They were bullying Ms Lovegood. I won't stand by and let them pick on her."

"And you are so certain that Ms Lovegood wasn't bullying them?" Snape snarled.

"Luna? Really? Out of the four of them who do you honestly think are the more likely bullies?"

Snape flushed causing Harry to laugh.

"Don't laugh at my misery. It's not funny."

"You look very cute all red and flush like that."

Snape pushed him aside and turned stalking in the other direction.

Harry grabbed him by the wrist and pulled him in for a kiss on the lips before pulling away continuing his pace in the other direction.

"Is that an enhancement or are you naturally well-endowed?" Harry asked causing Snape to walk faster.

Harry chuckled at the sight before returning to his office.

"So how did it go? Did Snape eat you for breakfast?"

"No, there was plenty of food to go around and all it's just Snape wasn't doing the eating."

"What do you mean?"

"Well let's just say if I had teeth Snape wouldn't have been left with skin or bone."

"Way to go, mate."

The three girls in detention shivered with horror at the implications.

HPSS

On October 31 the day in the Harry Potter books which most bad stuff happens, Harry found himself bombarded with a sense of deja vu.

In a deserted passage on the second floor were words written in blood.

'THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS HAS BEEN OPENED. ENEMIES OF THE HEIR, BEWARE.'

Underneath was Mrs. Norris hanging by her tail from the torch bracket.

'Wait a minute, Ginny can't have the diary because Malfoy gave it to her while he was fighting with Mr Weasley.' Harry thought. 'Unless to put a twist in our story, Malfoy stumbled across the Weasleys at some point and gave it to them but I don't think he would be so stupid to bring the diary with him a second time, would he?'

Ginny Weasley happened to be one of the first students to arrive looking at the cat in fascination.

The palor of her skin didn't seem quite as pale as one would be possessed. In all his life time he had never seen her look quite as excited as she did just then.

"What happened?" Ginny asked

"It looks like someone has reopened the 'Chamber of Secrets'."

"You're very nonchalant about this. Do you know something I don't?"

'I don't remember anything like this ever happening or me ever having rescued you as an established point in our romance. Now stumbling across this I recall it may have something to do with a diary I've neglected to remember a thing about as I've wanted to forget this ever happened but unfortunately this is a situation that has been forced into my hands.' Harry thought.

"Crap, I knew I was forgetting something." Harry snapped.

"Are you alright?" Ginny inquired.

"I'm fine."

"Ms Weasley, what are you doing roaming down this corridor?" The frosty voice of Severus Snape chilled Harry to the bone.

"She's with me, sir." Harry called out to Snape.

Snape walked into the abandoned corridor and Harry saw he paled to a ghastly white.

"WHAT DID YOU DO TO, MRS NORRIS?"

"Severus, look it wasn't me."

"Then how do you suppose she ended up that way?"

"Look I was here before Ms Weasley and it isn't her fault. If I told you my suspicions then I would have to kill you."

The words shut Snape's mouth quite nicely.

"Let's clean this up before this becomes a sight for spectators."

"Alright, professor."

HPSS

During class that afternoon Harry was going over interrogation technique.

"The secret is subtlety and make sure you always have the person you are interrogating in mind. Bow to their every whim and need but secretly plan a surprise attack." Harry explained to his class of first years. "Don't ask the question right away if you are certain that the person you are interrogating won't give you an answer. Instead ask subtle questions that hint at the big underlying question and only then will you obtain an answer."

"Uh Professor, rumour has it that you are eloping with Hermione Granger." Luna said.

Harry who had been drinking his tea spit it out all over the class.

"Say what?"

"Oh yeah well I heard he was eloping with Ginny Weasley." Colin Creevey uttered.

"Look people that isn't subtlety." Ginny fumed. "Professor, what kind of person strikes your fancy?"

"People with short black hair cut like fancy curtains with dark eyes of unfathomable depths."

"So it's Millicent is it?" Colin teased.

"Man. What is the next word that comes to mind?" Ginny asked.

"Sexy." Harry blurted.

"See, subtlety." Ginny explained. "The rumours are clearly not true, Professor Wonton loves Professor Snape."

The faces of the class turned pale in horror.

"What? How'd you come to that conclusion?" Colin sputtered.

"Unless Millicent is a boy who else has short black hair cut like fancy curtains?"

"Well I suppose that makes sense." Luna uttered off handedly. "By no means does this mean Professor Wonton fancies Professor Snape."

"Why not? The two practically leak sexual tension. I'm not completely ruling out that he's straight and all but does he have to be interested in just girls?"

"Snape?" Colin inquired. "What woman or man would want to be with that guy? He's very mean and unfair to all of his students not to mention he isn't very social. Why would anyone want to be with the man? He's so ugly and I'm totally not being shallow at all."

"Yeah and hooking up with Ms Weasley or Ms Granger at this point, the three of us being complete strangers and me being old enough to be their father isn't strange at all." Harry said.

"Look anyone would be better than Snape even Millicent, maybe Daphne."

"Millicent and Daphne are a part of a group that happens to bully girls from other houses. Do you imagine me going out with Mr Malfoy, well I don't date bullies unless they change their ways."

"Alright but I still fancy Ginny would be a good match for you, Professor."

"And I'm still with Hermione all the way." Luna said.

After class as Luna made her way to Transfiguration, Pansy, Daphne and Millicent began to follow her closely.

As Pansy and her horde followed Luna to class, a chill ran down her spine. She felt someone watching her and turned.

"What's the matter, Pansy?" Daphne asked.

"I thought I sensed someone following us." Pansy muttered.

"It's probably nothing." Daphne said.

Red eyes glistened within the shadows.

HPSS

On the way to Harry's office, Ron with all his bad luck happened to stumble across Cedric Diggory snogging Katie Bell in a darkened alcove.

'Fancy around this time I was pinning after Hermione.' Ron thought. 'Merlin knows what would happen if we wind up together this time around.'

It was with that mindset that Ron quickened his pace upon barging in he ran directly into Harry.

"It's about time you arrived."

"What's up with you?"

"I remembered something so scarring I dare not mention it."

"Well, spit it out."

"Then I would be mentioning it."

"Surely it isn't that bad."

"I forgot about the diary."

"WHAT?"

"I told you it was terrible."

"What if Ginny got her hands on it? I can't believe you forgot all about it."

"Look I'm parading the girl's bathroom. Maybe Ginny didn't take the diary this time."

"That's totally not perverted, not at all."

Harry scowled.

"Alright I get it when I'm not needed." Ron said before Harry left his office.

During class as the Gryffindors swept in, Ron assigned everyone with partners.

"Where's Ms Bulstrode, Ms Greengrass, Ms Parkinson and Ms Granger?"

"Sorry, I'm late." Hermione said as she walked in. Her face was very pale and sweat beaded off the side of her head.

Hermione was partnered with Draco Malfoy while he partnered his younger self with Lavender Brown.

"Today we'll be..."

"Professor."

"Yes, Ms Granger?"

"Why did you assign us new partners?"

"What do you mean?"

"Professor Wonton paired me with Ron."

Ron gritted his teeth. 'HARRY! How could you? You dared pair me off with Hermione? I would kill you but then I would be all alone, damn it.'

"What's wrong with Mr Malfoy?"

"Nothing sir, just-"

"Then refrain from arguing. We have a lesson to complete."

HPSS

Skimming through the pages of the Marauder's Map, Harry made his way towards the girl's bathroom.

"That piece of parchment. Is that the Marauder's Map?" George asked spotting Harry come around the corner.

Before Harry could conceil it, Fred and George had ran toward him.

"I knew it. That is the Marauder's Map. How did you get your hands on it?"

"Third week of November last year, I used Snape as a diversion in order to sneak into Filch's office and took the Marauder's Map."

"Awesome." George said.

"You must teach us your secret."

"Now is not the time. I have to watch the girl's bathroom."

Fred and George blushed.

"Never imagined someone as innocent looking as you was so perverted." Fred said smirking.

"His name is Professor _**Wonton.**_" George added.

"You can have the map, we already know of all the secret passages of the castle."

"We'd have stalked the girl's bathroom looking for girls if our brother, Ron hadn't nicked it from us last year. Filch confiscated it and we've never seen it ever since then."

"Look I'm not stalking the girl's bathroom to look for girls." Harry said.

"I admit we were a little scared you might be parading outside the bathroom on the lookout for our sister." Fred said patting Harry on the shoulder.

"But you're a good guy and you'll tell us if you hold a fancy for our sister." George said grabbing Harry on the other shoulder.

Harry blushed, gulping in nervousness until they relinguished their hold on his shoulder.

"Yeah, I will tell you." He said.

"Then that's good. Guess we'll leave you, Professor." Fred and George turned to walk off leaving Harry's personal space.

"Phew, that was close."

Outside the girl's bathroom, Harry saw Hermione was just about to leave.

When she opened the door, Harry immediately noted that she was holding a small book that looked similar to a handheld diary and grabbed her wrist.

"Professor?" Hermione inquired. "What are you doing outside the girl's bathroom?"

"Can I see what you've got there?"

Hermione narrowed her eyes but handed the book over to Harry.

"Ribbit, ribbit." Harry saw three toads hopping below his feet and looked up towards Hermione. She was sickly, pale and oblivious to the toads beneath her feet.

Harry opened the diary and wasn't surprised to see it was filled with blank pages.

"Can I have my diary back, Professor?"

"Ribbit."

Harry looked in her eyes and saw they were cloudy.

"I'll be taking the diary for the time being, Ms Granger. I suggest you get to class."

HPSS

"Today we'll be talking about a piece of dark magic. An object called a horcrux."

"Professor, what's the purpose in it? That magic is strictly forbidden."

"How would you know you stumbled across a horcrux? You-Know-who is not beyond using dark magic. Should he have ever stumbled across this knowledge he could have abused this magic and neither of you would know."

Lavender was talking in the corner with her friend, Parvati as the class was going on.

"Professor what do we look for?" Neville Longbottom asked as Ron walked behind Lavender.

"Who touched my arse?" Lavender whispered quietly turning to see if she was sitting beside any boys. Young Ron had been sitting on her left side causing Lavender to flush a bright red.

"Well Mr Longbottom, you look for an object that can think independently on it's own. It sort of feels like a weight that encumbers when you handle it." Ron explained. "This differentiates the sorting hat which has always been strictly a magical intelligence as a horcrux will usually try to weaken the will power of it's victims."

"Impossible." Hermione sputtered, face pale white.

"What are you talking about, Granger?" Draco inquired maliciously.

"Nothing." Hermione muttered.

"It's not nothing."

Suddenly a hex cut his hand clean off.

"No talking during class."

Draco sobbed in pain.

"Mr Frankfurter, that's kind of cruel making Malfoy bleed. You have to heal his hand or he'll die."

"Then I suggest he remain quiet for the remainder of his classes with me if I should myself ever substituting your class again." Ron said casting another spell forcibly closing Draco's mouth.

Hermione walked Draco to the Hospital Wing.

"How does one get rid of horcruxes?" Hermione heard Neville asking.

"Basilisk venom is the only known thing that can get rid of horcruxes."

Quickly Hermione brought Draco to the hospital wing.

"What's the matter with you two?" Poppy asked upon the arrival of Draco and Hermione.

"Professor Frankfurter severed his hand clean off." Hermione explained.

Poppy slapped herself upside the head. "What is with people these days?"

As she was healing Draco's hand, Hermione took a piece of parchment and black ink and her feathered quil from her bag and began to write a message to Draco.

'Look something is bugging me. On the way here, you see I stumbled across Mr Wonton standing outside the girl's bathroom and he seemed to have a special interest in my diary. The writing vanished once I began writing in it. I suspect the diary may be a horcrux of some sort.' Hermione wrote on the parchment before holding over Draco to read.

'Sounds plausible.' Draco wrote on the parchment.

'But why would Professor Wonton be interested in the diary and how would Professor Frankfurter know a thing about horcruxes?'

'Why Granger did you decide to talk to me through the parchment? I can hear you, you know?'

'I'd like this conversation to be a secret.'

'Look I have a theory although it's kind of far-fetched. Perhaps Professor Wonton and Professor Frankfurter are time-travelers from the future. Professor Frankfurter's actions do seem kind of familiar to me.'

'I always thought so as well. He seemed concerned when me and Ron were paired up and placed him with Lavender and I don't know about you but while he was lecturing he seemed very interested in her. You don't think?'

'Maybe my father was right. I mean Professor Frankfurter is obviously Weasley from the future. Assuming that he had first hand experience in dealing with horcruxes who would go that far to use one?'

'You-know-who, of course.'

'Maybe at some point, Ron had befriended Harry Potter. Maybe they had to defeat You-know-who. He is responsible for his defeat during the first war. Maybe Professor Wonton is actually Harry Potter.'

HPSS

"You have taken this too far." Snape snarled, barging into Harry's office.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Three of my students have been turned into toads."

Harry snickered.

"Let me guess, Pansy Parkinson, Millicent Bulstrode and Daphne Greengrass."

"I knew YOU had something to do with it."

"Toads." Harry said snickering.

"It's not funny."

"I didn't do it, Severus."

"I don't believe you."

"I believe I know who did it though. Luna's mum might have had a hand in it."

"What gives you that idea?"

"I might have sent her a letter that her daughter was being bullied by three specific slytherin girls." Harry said innocently.

"What?"

"Look if I knew you were going to confront me about it I wouldn't have made arrangements to meet up with you later in your office."

"What about Mr Malfoy?"

"What about him?"

"I've recieved news that he's landed himself in the hospital wing. It seems his hand was completely severed from his arm and had to be mended."

Harry looked at Snape with horror.

"Are you serious?" Harry asked. "You're serious aren't you?"

"What ever gave you the first clue?"

"When did he recieve the injury?"

"During History of magic."

Harry snarled. "THAT BLOODY JERK!"

"Please desist from using a sharp tongue."

"Do you even know who put Mr Malfoy in the hospital wing?" Harry asked incredulously.

"Not a clue."

"Bloody Ron, fool never listens."

"What are you talking about?"

"He thinks Mr Malfoy's been picking on me in my classes."

"Has he?"

"Not at all, sure he can be a smart-ass every now and then but it isn't enough to wish ill-will upon him." Harry said. "Back in my time he was a nasty bully and all but I got over it Ron on the other hand..."

"Earlier you seemed to have an idea about what might have happened this morning?"

"Yes, that chamber is real. Someone had indeed opened it and I believe I know who."

"Who?" Snape asked.

"I don't think you know him. His name is Tom Marvolo Riddle."

END of Chapter 7.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8.

In the late evening, Pansy who had been standing outside the Ravenclaw Common Room got quite the surprise when Luna ran right into her. To her surprise it seemed Luna had been sleep-walking.

'No matter.' Pansy thought dragging Luna towards the girl's bathroom.

She was surprised when turning the corner, stumbling right into Susan Bones.

"What are you doing out of your common room during this time of the night?" Pansy inquired.

"Where are you taking Luna?" Susan asked.

"We're playing a little game called truth or dare."

"No, you're not unless I can come too."

"Be my guest." Pansy added with a malicious grin.

Once the girls had made it to the girl's bathroom seated in a circle, Millicent turned off the lights.

"Lumos." Pansy said holding out her wand.

"So how do we play?" Susan asked as Luna was snoozing leaning on her shoulder.

Pansy summoned a glass bottle.

"The choices are truth or dare whoever the bottle lands on the person has be involved in a truth or dare. The twist though is that the spinner and the person which the bottle lands on has to be involved we choose the scenario." She explained. "Bones, you go in Luna's place."

Susan gulped as she spinned the bottle until it landed on Daphne.

"Truth or dare?"

"Dare." Susan uttered wishing not to reveal any of her secrets.

"Since Luna is asleep, you have to do her dare."

"What?"

"I dare you to have a make-out session with Daphne for 15 minutes." Pansy said triumphantly. "You can use the stall if you'd like."

Susan flushed and made her way towards the stall opening it, Daphne followed after her closing and locking them in. The giggling made her feel ill at ease.

Carefully Susan moved closer and brushed her lips against Daphne's.

A battle of teeth and tongue.

Suddenly there was a loud scream. Susan was about to utter something with a hand stiffled her voice.

Daphne peeked between the cracks and seen a creature seem to be feasting on one of Pansy's hands. She noticed her other hand was gone and blood began to pour from the stub.

As Daphne could only watch in horror, Susan opened the door but the creature didn't move away.

Luna was nearby and Susan ran up to her and began to shake her awake.

"Mum? What is it?" Luna groaned softly.

The creature refrained from it's meal and stared at Luna with bright red eyes.

Luna took off her shoes and removed her socks taking out a bag of dried garlic. The moment she opened the bag the creature fled.

"What was that?" Susan asked.

"Must have been a Dhamphoid. I never imagine I'd ever see one at Hogwarts." Luna explained.

"Oh no, Pansy." Daphne said looking at her bloody stubs with horror. "Luna, Susan we have to bring her to the hospital wing."

"Where's Bulstrode?" Susan asked.

"I don't see her anywhere." Daphne said looking around the bathroom.

All three of them quickly exited the girl's bathroom.

HPSS

"Look I'll tell you everything I recall. The entrance to the chamber is conceiled in the bathroom. In the Chamber happens to house a monster of Slytherin. I confiscated a diary from Ms Granger. It happens to be the horcrux of Tom Marvolo Riddle you know him presently as Lord Voldemort." Harry said.

"What is this monster of Slytherin?" Snape asked.

"A basilisk."

"Where was this in your plans?" Snape spat. "You are a time traveler right?"

"Look I might have forgot."

"Forgot? How can you forget something like this? The whole school could die and you happened to forget about this?"

"It's something I-I n-never wanted to remember." Harry choked on his words.

"So what happens now?"

"Nothing. I can't speak parseltongue so there's no going into the chambers."

"Show me and I will tell you if it can be done." Snape snarled.

Sneaking up several floors, Snape followed Harry to the girl's bathroom.

"Any reason why we're in front of the _**girl's**_ bathroom?"

"This is where the Chamber of Secrets is located."

Snape flushed.

"You're kidding."

"Does this look like the face of a liar?" Harry asked pointing at his face looking rather amused.

"Yes."

"Ha, ha, ha, unfortunately you're wrong."

Harry walked in with Snape following reluctantly behind.

Carefully Harry examined the facets.

"It's one of these." Harry explained. "I remember the entrance requires the word, 'Open' to be spoke in parseltongue."

"Then why don't you try it?" Snape said in satisfaction.

Harry walked to where Snape was.

"This is what you're looking for, correct?"

There etched on the side of the facet was a tiny snake.

"Open." Harry said picturing that the snake was real as he remember it was often what he did in order to speak parseltongue.

The sink glowed with a bright light, spinning before sinking into the ground leaving a large pipe exposed.

"You were saying?" Snape raised an eyebrow with surprise, skin pale white.

"If I can speak parseltongue that must mean..."

"What are you thinking, Potter?"

"Nothing." Harry uttered with a soft smile before he hissed in parseltongue, "Close."

The sink reverted back to the way it was.

"The slytherin monster should be idle for the time being. Don't worry I will stop the monster before it has a chance to kill anyone else."

HPSS

Early the next morning, Harry dragged Ron to Hogsmeade to apparate to the Lovegoods. Both were talking about the conclusions Harry had made yesterday. Among that, was the discovery of the diary in Hermione's possession.

"So in conclusion you have to kill yourself again?" Ron asked.

"Yes."

"Sucks to be you, mate."

"I'll personally kill whomever gave fate the idea of transferring my memories to my younger self that includes and is not limited to my fanbase."

"How do you intend to kill yourself this time?"

"Basilisk venom."

"Mate, I support you and all but I don't remember that working so well last time."

"The only reason it didn't work last time because I didn't see limbo. Death can only be avoided when you arrive at King's Cross in all it's white glory and see baby Voldemort's dead body."

"No that's just death for _**you**_, mate." Ron said. "Guess I'll have to teach your classes."

"I'm still mad at you, you know." Harry explained. "I know you hate Malfoy and all but you don't need to cut his hands off."

"Look until someone convinces me he has a good place in this world I'd rather rid the world of skum like him."

Harry knocked on the front door of the Lovegood's.

"Ah Lord Wonton." Sanguini answered the door. "I assume you want to see our leader."

"Yes, please."

Sanguini led them inside. Selene Lovegood was hovering over a body composed of many different creatures.

"Can I help you?" She asked, turning looking towards Harry.

"You can make human bodies can't you?"

"Yes, unfortunately all the hybrids I've created however always seem to spawn into some kind of creature that thirsts for flesh with preferences towards human flesh."

"Is it possible to transfer copied memories of a human into one?" Harry asked walking closer in order to examine the body.

On closer inspection, Harry saw it had two cat ears above it's head conceiled by brown hair and it's arms were covered in scales while it's hands were webbed while it's feet contained five claws covered with brown fur. Harry noted it also seemed to have a dragon's tail.

"Not without grave consequences. They seem to thrive on eating that stuff, Merlin knows why. If the Ministry learns of this, I'll have to kill all of them."

"What wrong with that body below you?" Ron inquired.

"It's a being with no intelligence equivalent to the Wizard's term for brain dead." Selene explained.

"Can we use it?" Harry asked.

"You can but it isn't a human body."

"It will do."

"Is it male or female?" Ron uttered with amusement.

"Female."

"Just my luck." Harry said gritting his teeth.

"You'll have to get ahold of some druids in order to transfer copied memories into the body." Selene explained as Ron helped Harry care the body.

"I'll go with you, Lord Wonton." Sanguini said running towards them at lightening speed.

Together all three vanished with the body apparating to Diagon Alley.

HPSS

"Jewel, Vivan." Harry called out to the ladies of Knockturn Alley.

"Oh Lord Wonton good to see you."

"You're calling me that now?"

"What do you need?"

"Can you watch her? I need to find a druid."

"There's no need."

"What do you intend on doing?" Jewel asked.

"In case I don't survive I'm transferring my copied memories into the body for safe keeping." Harry explained.

"Why wouldn't you survive?"

"He plans on getting bitten by a basilisk in order to get rid of a horcrux that has merged with his body." Ron explained.

"How do you intend on doing that?" Vivan asked in conceiled disbelief. "Basilisks aren't that easy to come by you know."

"Let's just say he intends to come across one sometime in the future and wants to be well-prepared."

"Alright, but the ritual won't be done until the late afternoon."

"What do you need from me?" Harry asked.

"Point the wand towards your forehead and utter the words, 'Memocranium'."

"Memocranium." Harry chanted wand pointed towards his forehead. A strand of magic flowed from his head in a white wad.

"Store it in here." Vivan said handing Harry a vial. "That's it. You may go now."

"I'll stay by and keep watch." Sanguini said blushing at having being surrounded by two women.

"If you happen to touch any of those two girls Sanguini you'll regret it." Ron yelled.

HPSS

Once the two men arrived at Hogwarts, Harry knocked on the door to Snape's quarters.

"Enter."

Harry saw Snape fiddling with some papers at his desk.

"Well Potter I hope you're happy, you finally got your wish."

"What? You mean you'll marry me?" Harry asked with excitement.

"There isn't a Marriage Law being enforced. Snape doesn't have to marry you, you know?" Ron explained.

"Sorry, wrong universe." Harry sighed.

"No, you dolt." Snape replied. "Bulstrode has gone missing and Parkinson has been dropped from school. After her hands appeared to be bitten off, she had to be transferred to St. Mungos."

"What happened?" Harry asked in genuine shock.

"Ms Lovegood claims these creature called Dhamphoids bit her hand off."

"These creatures wouldn't happen to look like humans would they?"

"Yes, that's exactly how she described them."

"Damn."

"Any preparations we should make before heading into the Chamber?"

Harry looked down at the diary in his hands making sure it was still there.

"Nope, I got everything I need."

"I'll see you later, mate."

"Alright."

As they made their merry way to the girl's bathroom, the two men began to talk amongst each other.

"Listen Potter, if this happens to ruin my reputation..."

"I'll be digging my own grave, I know."

"No, I was going to say that you better get used to dirt because you will not be able to see the poorly composed epitaph I put upon your gravestone."

"That hurts you know." Harry replied looking melancholy.

"Don't sulk it doesn't become you."

Gradually the two men ceased talking, stealthily making their way to the girl's bathroom.

Just outside the girl's bathroom both men turned, dropping in horror the moment Ginny Weasley stepped outside.

"What are you two doing parading outside the girl's bathroom?" Ginny asked with a mischievious look heightened by eyes narrowed with suspicion.

Snape scowled in Harry's direction.

"Look if it's any consolation it was Snape's idea."

"WHAT? You're wrong, if it was anyone's idea only you would put me up to this."

Ginny paled. "You two...Harry Potter."

"Oh oh, it looks like she's going to scream."

"It's your fault."

"HEAALL-"

Harry stiffled her screams with his left hand.

"Phew, that was close." Harry sighed before turning to Snape. "See I told you it would be a piece of cake and your reputation is still in one piece."

"Um, Potter." Snape added, Harry noted there was horror in the depths of his black eyes.

Suddenly out of nowhere, Ginny brought a leg up and kneed him in the groin loosening Harry's grip on her mouth.

It was just then that Fred and George turned the corner.

"Hey Ginny." They called out to their sister.

"Fred, George watch out! Professor Wonton is an evil perverted dark lord with secret quarters in the girl's bathroom. I think he's taken Professor Snape as his sidekick."

Fred let out a wolf whistle.

"Look Ginny, we know you are our sister and all but that sounds a little far-fetched." George said. "Especially the part where Snape is the sidekick because we all know he's secretly the big bad."

"Then how do you explain the reason why he was parading outside the girl's bathroom and how he knows about Harry Potter."

In panic at this point, Snape turned the corner and pointed the wand at the girl.

"Incarcerous."

Ginny fell to the floor in a heap of rope.

"Critical." George said in shock.

"That's just an all out record time low." Fred snarled and with that the two teens ran after Snape.

HPSS

Outside the classroom of the History of Magic, Hermione stood by the door waiting.

Ron recognised it as her 'determined to get her answer no matter what' look. It was a look he despised with a passion.

"I know your secret.' Hermione whispered under her breath. "You're a time traveler aren't you?"

"How do you know?"

"Really? All-knowing how could I not know you, Ron Weasley?"

"The only way you would know that is if..." Ron said before his mouth dropped in shock. "You transported your consciousness into your younger self..."

"What are you talking about?" Hermione screeched.

"No, wait it can't be. The implications are making my head spin. You actually liked me enough to stalk me and note every single one of my bad habits in our second year at Hogwarts?" Ron said clearly trying to find his happy place and failing.

Hermione flushed.

"Yeah, what's so wrong with that?"

Ron decided to remain quiet.

"Look I was just curious because if you were a time traveler then maybe I can help you plan overthrowing You-Know-Who."

"Fine, we'll discuss it after class." Ron said as the students began to gather inside.

"Today we'll be discussing about the method of defence when dealing with one of the most dangerous creatures in the Wizarding world, the basilisk. Can anyone tell me the best defence should you come across a basilisk?"

Hermione's hand rose.

"Yes, Ms Granger?"

"Whenever coming across a basilisk, the best defence is to never look directly into it's eyes."

"Should you ever find yourself getting bitten by a basilisk while neglecting to keep your eyes on it what would be the only means of defence?" Ron asked.

"There is none." Draco blurted. "Everyone knows that..."

Ron found himself irked at Draco's smug look.

"That is where you are wrong, Mr Malfoy." Ron explained. "If the wound was exposed to phoenix tears, the effects of the venom would be canceled out."

Draco's eyes widened in horror as his body began to quickly bulge into what looked like a tomato. Ron to his glee noticed he was turning redder by the second.

Lavender feeling for Malfoy dragged him out of the classroom.

"What's a method in disposing of a basilisk?"

Ron chose to ignore Hermione's hand.

"Anyone?"

"Professor, I know I know." Hermione said as her raised hand nearly touched the ceiling.

"Fine, Ms Granger."

'Listen to inner Harry voice and refrain from attempting to murder Hermione Granger.' Ron thought with gritted teeth.

"The only methods in disposing of a basilisk is exposing one to their own reflection or listening to a rooster's crow or piercing their hide with a basilisk fang."

"You're wrong, Ms Granger. If a weapon of sorts happens to have the ability to absorb basilisk venom one could easily defeat them with a weapon of some sort."

Hermione flushed.

"That's impossible."

Everyone cast glares at Hermione imposing her to shut her trap.

After class, everyone left leaving Hermione left alone with Ron.

"So Professor what happens in the future? Do we get married?" Hermione asked.

HPSS

That afternoon, Ron made his way to Jewel and Vivan's place stumbling across Gregorovitch.

The man's eyes darkened the moment they feasted on his wand.

"You've used dark magic quite recently haven't you?"

"I knew it was inevitable. The dark arts is an irresistable temptation and I didn't want to taint a purer wood."

"I see."

"Look you're not going to turn me in to the Ministry are you?"

"No."

"Ah there you are. It's about time you've showed up." Vivan said interrupting their conversation.

"Bye, Mr...?"

"Frankfurter."

"Right." Gregorovitch muttered non-chalantly heading back to Diagon Alley.

"We've managed to transfer all of Mr Wonton's memories into the body of the chimera." Vivan explained as they both walked inside.

Both were taken aback in shock however at the sight of Sanguini talking with the creature.

"Sanguini."

"Mr Frankfurter. What are you doing back so soon?"

"Hitting on my best friend?"

"Yeah actually." Sanguini said causing Ron and the Chimera to blush.

"It must have taken him moments to realise he was in a girl's body?"

Sanguini flushed.

"Yes, though it might be difficult to distinguish her from Mr Wonton."

"Vivan, Jewel, do you two have a name for her?"

"How about Carmilla?" Sanguini suggested. "That was the name of my aunt before she died."

"Sounds good." Ron said.

"I don't have a say in this?" Carmilla inquired indignantly.

"I have a feeling if it was up to you, mate. You'd keep your old name." Ron chuckled before turning and was taken aback by Vivan's cold stare.

Suddenly he jumped and turned relaxing when he realised Jewel was trying to get his attention.

"We both want to talk to you in the other room." She whispered quietly in his ear.

Ceasing conversation, Ron left their company to join with Vivan and Jewel in the room next door.

"Your wand." Vivan said. "You used a spell from the dark arts. Sorbeometus, wasn't it?"

"Yeah, how'd you know that?"

"We're druids. The dark arts was once our specialty. The spell causes the victim to go insane by percieving their worst fears. Most victims subjected to this spell die from their magic exploding coming to their defence but because the spell attacks the conscious mind they wind up destroying themselves."

"Who did you use it on?"

"Hermione. I was trying to resist for as long as possible but I knew it would be hard not to kill her. Memories of her, just the thought of her irritates me to no end." Ron explained. "She had abibliophobia, a fear of running out of things to read. It's such a ridiculous fear."

"Mr Frankfurter, let me to you a story about when we were younger. There was once a man who stopped by our store who looked exactly like you but this wizard so to speak had a fear of druids. We became spiteful and cast many cursed rituals on the man. Unfortunately at the time I was unaware that Jewel happened to love this man and before he died he cursed his parents and everyone he loved before leaving this world." Vivan explained.

"That curse had gave us Jewel an incurable ailment that was slowly killing her from the inside out but one day she was doing very terribly I was so certain she was going to die but then this blue phoenix came from out of nowhere and began to cry. I didn't think nothing of it until the next day in which she was fully healed. That was the day we decided to abstain." She continued. "One day you'll realise that with power comes conflict. The ability to choose right or wrong. There is the wrong way albeit simply killing someone or the right way albeit solving the conflict in another way."

"Basically what Vivan is trying to say when it comes to conflict their is always more than one solution to a problem and sometimes conflicts can be avoided due to good judgement."

"Are you trying to tell me something?" Ron flushed in anger thinking about his interraction with hooking his younger self up with Lavender.

"Look, Is there a reason why Mr Wonton is trying to end his life?"

"He isn't trying to end his life." Ron explained. "There is a horcrux in his body that he is trying to remove."

"What did he bring with him in preparation?"

"He should have the diary...oh shit." Ron said. "The basilisk, he'll have no way to defeat it."

"Look just take Gale with you." Vivan said. "I have a weapon that you can take for self-defence."

HPSS

Harry groaned as Snape was running toward him.

"You're a right pillock, you are. GET UP, you bloody fool." Snape said in a frenzy pulling Harry to his feet and dragging him quickly into the girl's bathroom and quickly cast a powerful locking charm on the door.

"What was that all about?"

"Your little girlfriend seems to think you are some evil perverted overlord and I'm your sidekick. Now the Weasley platoon is after our hides."

"Sorry."

"Nevermind that. Open the chamber."

"Just think...if we tried this last year..." Harry said with awe and wonder.

"Quickly that locking spell won't hold for too long, Potter."

"Alright, alright, no need to get snappy."

"As you can see, Potter we're on a time limit."

"Well, I can't defuse a bomb under pressure, Mr 'Jabbermouth' Bond."

"What do you mean?"

"It means I can't call upon my skills whenever I please unlike a certain competent wizard. I need concentration and most importantly I need you to shut your trap."

Carefully Harry began to picture the snake move like last time.

"They're getting through, open the chamber."

"No pressure. None at all." Harry muttered through gritted teeth, his concentration deterred.

'Picture snake moving.' He thought.

"Open."

In a matter of seconds, a large pipe protruded from the ground.

"Hurry-" Snape said before accidentally pushing Harry towards the entrance of the pipe.

"." Harry screams echoed throughout the girl's bathroom.

"Great, my only means of escape and I have that to look forward to." Snape snarled looking down the pipe.

Snape cast a cushioning charm before sliding down after him.

Harry rolled away in the nick of time as Snape gracefully landed on his two feet like a cat jumping down from a tree.

"Get up." Snape said holding out his hand to Harry.

Harry clasped it as Snape pulled him up.

"Now where's this basilisk you're talking about?"

"Why don't I call him?" Harry said. " Sir Ekans, Snape wants to have tea."

"I don't see a reason for you to be sarcastic."

"Then why don't I just call it obviously we're obviously going to have to look at it in order to confront it."

"What are you talking about?"

"Do you even know how a basilisk kills it's victims?"

"It has a mortal bite doesn't it or does it constrict it's prey?" Snape asked completely puzzled.

"Did you even pay attention in your classes? They teach you about the basilisk in Care for Magical Creatures."

Snape snarled. "I didn't even pay attention in that class because Kettleburn was such a fool always getting his fingers bitten off or other such nonsense."

Harry sighed.

"Just cover your eyes the moment you sense any movement."

In the maze-like underground the two men following a lit wand, trampled over several dry bones of dead animals eaten by the basilisk.

Eventually the two stumbled across a trail of dry snake skin.

Snape looked at it with something akin to horror.

"Potter, you didn't say anything about this creature being so huge."

"Must have slipped my mind."

Snape stared at him with narrowed eyes.

"Just for that, you're helping me gather up the basilisk skin when we're finished with this."

"Why? What do you need it for?" Harry asked.

"Basilisk skin is a hard potion ingredient to come by."

"Wait, you know about basilisk skin but you don't know about the size of a basilisk?" Harry chuckled at the incredulity of it all.

"The joke's old, it's not funny anymore, Potter." Snape said sternly.

"Yes it is."

At the end of the tunnel was a solid wall with two snakes carved into the stone with studded green eyes.

"Open."

END OF CHAPTER 8.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9.

The entrance of the Chamber opened and Snape and Harry went inside.

Both bracing themselves, closed their eyes.

Harry opened his eyes looking at the ground slowly working his way up. The head of a basilisk was much too large to near Harry's vicinity should it have been below him and it was more logical that it strike instead of slinking closer to him.

"It's not here." Harry said turning and gazing at the potions master who still had his eyes closed.

"How do you know that?"

"I admit I may have opened my eyes."

"Are you crazy what if you opened them only to gaze into the eyes of the basilisk?"

"Look I'm sorry alright. I thought if I gazed down and slowly gazed up I could see if the snake was there."

Snape opened his eyes staring thoughtfully, stroking his chin absently.

"That makes sense. The creature is too monstorous to simply glide to our vicinity and I'd think if given the option it would rather strike it's prey from a distance."

"Look since it's not here there's no point in remaining unless we can summon it."

"And how do you suggest we do that, Potter?"

"Look just brace yourself alright."

Embelished in a stone wall was a realistic looking snake and Harry used that image in his mind calling forth the basilisk.

The statue of Slytherin that stood in the middle of the chamber bulged and Harry heard something hissing from within it's depths.

"Are your eyes closed?"

"Check."

Harry looked to the right just as the basilisk peeked from the entrance.

"What is it?" The snake hissed.

"Kill me." Harry hissed in parseltongue.

Suddenly the sound of a snake slinking quickly across the ground flooded Snape's ears and he gulped fearing that he'd be bitten and his trust in the man was fickle. He swallowed bracing himself for the mortal bite of the basilisk.

"Argh." Harry groaned.

'What?' Snape thought.

Then the sound of the snake slithering away dwindled away. Snape opened his eyes looking at the ground and was bewildered at the man sprawled on the ground unconscious blood pooling around the wound on his side.

"YOU IDIOT!" Snape kicked his legs. One thing he did know from his class of Care for Magical creatures was that Basilisk venom required the antidote to be administered quickly and there simply wasn't enough time.

When Harry didn't utter a thing, Snape fell to his knees holding the body close.

HPSS

Harry awoke once again finding himself in the White World, Ron was in the distance.

"Hey Ron."

"Oh hey Harry."

"Where's Dumbledore?" Harry asked. "I was certain he was here last time."

"He's throwing a party with McGonagall. Your parents are there too."

"Is Sirius giving everyone a hard time?"

"Not more than usual." Ron said. "Any reason you resorted to killing yourself by getting bitten by a basilisk?"

"Look it's not as if you offered any better ideas."

"Where is that list of plans that you are going to carry out? Can you lend me a copy?"

"SHUT UP. It wasn't my idea to merge the mind of my older self with my younger half."

"Whatever you say, mate."

"How's Hermione?"

"Well, I no longer have the murderous impulse to kill her."

"Good for you, Ron. Glad you're happy."

"Oh yeah, Professor Snape stopped by and said if you don't return to life he'll smack across the face."

"Just wait a minute, alright. I have to see Voldemort's dead body and laugh at it." Harry said running towards the white bench and peaking underneath it to look at Voldemort's ghastly form.

"It'll leave a bruise."

"Fine, I'll return to life but I have to poke him at least once." Harry said referring to Voldemort.

Slowly Harry became aware of the voices beyond the darkness of his consciousness.

"He's dead already?"A deep chirpy voice asked in amusement.

"You don't seem all that surprised."

"I always thought the process was a bit slower. That's the way it happened when I killed Hermione earlier today."

"You killed a student?"

"Don't judge me. If I were him, I wouldn't even want to live if someone was smacking me that hard."

"I don't think this is all that amusing, Mr Weasley."

"I don't see what you're so upset about, he's not dead."

"I think I would know very well if someone was dead."

"Ow, don't hit me so hard." Harry grumbled opening his eyes to the pain inflicted across his cheeks. "I don't need a bruise."

Snape turned with wide eyes. Harry saw tears hanging on the corner of his eyes.

"See I told you." Ron said smugly. Harry looked over Snape's shoulder and saw a blue phoenix perched on his shoulder.

The expression of Snape's face morphed in ill-conceiled anger.

"You jerk."

"Look I know I'm not exactly the best planner but I did plan on dying."

"Actually mate, you did die."

"True, true." Harry muttered.

"So where's the diary?" Ron asked.

Harry ripped the robes where the basilisk had bitten him and took out the black diary which had a massive hole in it.

"Wow."

"Now all we have to do is get rid of the basilisk."

"Just how do you intend on doing that?" Snape snarled.

"What? You want to kill it?" Ron asked.

"Do you have a better suggestion?"

"Why don't you tame it and take it as a pet?" Ron suggested.

"What's he going to feed it?" Snape inquired condescendingly.

"It's more gratifying and less tedious killing it."

"With what? You don't even have a weapon."

"YOU DON'T HAVE A WEAPON?"

Harry held up a sword. "Now I do."

"YOU THIEF." Ron snarled. "Give it back."

"Nope, that's revenge for killing Hermione."

Ron gulped.

"Don't think you were being sneaky I heard you. You promised me, you wouldn't kill anyone after your wife died."

"I'm sorry, Harry. I tried I really did but she was irritating me."

"If that's the card you're going to play than I'm killing the basilisk."

"No, Harry. I'm sure she'll be a good pet if you give her a chance."

"How do you know it's a she?"

Ron flushed. "I don't."

Harry gave him a smug look.

"Please Harry." Ron begged bowing on his knees, hands clasping the edges of Harry's robe.

"No."

Harry called the basilisk once more before turning to Snape.

"Get ready to run."

Snape braced himself.

The snake drew near and Harry avoiding it's gaze ran towards it with the intention of piercing it's flesh.

Blood gushed through a wound, Harry had made with the sword.

"You dare betray me?" The snake hissed angrily. "For that you will pay the price."

The basilisk smacked him against the wall with a swipe of it's tail before slinking towards Snape.

"Snape, don't just stand there." Harry yelled. "Run. Get out of here."

"Wait Harry, is that why you transferred copies of your memories to Carmilla?" Ron asked.

"Carmilla?" Harry asked with an eyebrow raised.

"What are you talking about?" Snape snarled at Ron.

"You intended for Snape to escape didn't you. While you planned to remain here fighting the basilisk."

Snape's eyes widened and turned towards Harry.

"So? The plan has changed hasn't it?"

"You dolt. That plan was suicide and you are a fool for thinking it."

"Run."

Suddenly the basilisk doubled back and was poised and was just about to bite Harry when Snape ran in front of it knocking him off his feet.

The basilisk bit into Snape's left shoulder and Harry used that time to plunge the sword in it's head, blood pooling around the blade.

Overcoming his shock, Harry called out to his friend.

"Ron!"

Gale flew off of Ron's shoulder near Snape's body.

Tears slowly escaped it's eyes healing the bite wound.

"Phew, that was close."

"So who's going to drag his body out of the chamber?"

HPSS

Once the three of them exited the chamber, they were greeted by the sight of Fred, George and Ginny lingering outside.

"See I told you they slipped down to their secret headquarters." Ginny commented.

Both the teens flushed. "They can't be villains though. They have a phoenix and those who own one must be good if Dumbledore has one." George explained.

"That isn't a comfortable thought, George." Fred said with a frown.

"Say what were you two doing down there anyway?" George asked.

"Just dealing with a little snake problem." Harry grinned.

Ginny flushed.

"Then why is there blood along the blade of your sword?" Fred inquired.

Harry flung the object as if it were foreign to him.

"That's irrelevant."

Fred and George shrugged.

"IT HAS BLOOD ON IT!" Ginny blurted, indignant at her twin brother's behavior.

"Do you want to keep it as a momento? It's yours if you want it." Harry said picking up the sword and handing it to Ginny who cringed at the sight of it.

"Now let's get out of her before this becomes a spectacle, Mr and Mr Weasley. Shall we?"

The Weasley twins followed Snape, Harry and Ron out of the girl's bathroom.

"Wait."

Angry couldn't describe Ginny, she was certain the three older men had something to do with Harry Potter. She was certain that they had kidnapped him from his home but with the appearance of the phoenix that theory had gone down the drain.

Still Ginny couldn't help but wonder whether or not they had ever got acquainted with the boy. Snape had been talking about him after all, surely he must know something about him.

'I guess it's up to me to get to the bottom of this mystery.' Ginny thought.

A couple of weeks later was the beginnings of the dueling club. Dumbledore had invited Duncan Gage to be the club's advisor announcing it in the Great Hall much to Harry's fury.

"What's the matter with you?" Snape inquired glancing at Harry in the corner of his eye.

"Two words...Duncan Gage." Harry snarled.

"He doesn't look that bad." Snape said observing the man.

Harry noted that he said it in a spiteful tone. It appeared Snape hadn't forgiven Harry over the fiasco several weeks ago.

"Ah, didn't see you there." A prideful voice chirped over Harry's shoulder. "Did you miss me?"

An intruding hand clasped his shoulder roughly capturing Harry's attention.

"Listen carefully when I utter the next couple of words. NOT-AT-ALL." Harry snarled.

"Look there is no need to sulk." Duncan said.

"I regret having met you." Harry snapped back.

"Surely you don't mean that."

"I'll be leaving then." Snape snarled, pulling away from the table angrily and striding off.

"Look like someone is in a bad mood." Duncan said in his mocking baritone.

"Just shut up, Gage." Harry uttered with exasperation.

"You should drop by this afternoon..."

"What if I don't?"

Duncan lunged towards Harry's ear.

"You seem to have a fancy for that man with the greasy black hair..."

"His _**name**_ is Severus."

Arrogant eyes narrowed.

"I'll inform the entire school about our relationship."

"Y-You think they'd believe you?" Harry choked.

"Probably not but _**Severus**_ might." The other man murmured.

"That isn't an invite, that's blackmail." Harry spat, narrowing his eyes causing Duncan to draw away.

"I'll see you this afternoon."

HPSS

Gritting his teeth, Harry made his way to the Club room after lunch.

Imagine his surprise when he spotted Snape standing in the back of the room.

"What are you doing here?"

"That is none of your business."

Gradually the club room was filled with students and among the crowd Harry spotted several professors as well.

Professor Flitwick was among them.

"Professor, why are you here?"

"Please call me, Filius. We are co-workers and all."

"Oh sorry." Harry said, face flush at his slip.

"To answer your question, Albus thought it might be a good idea to polish our dueling skills."

"Polish your skills? You were a duelist champion."

"Even so it doesn't hurt to polish my skills every once and a while."

"Oh I see."

"Attention, the dueling club will begin to commence." Duncan said walking onto the stage. Harry noticed with a bit of excitement that Professor Lupin wasn't too far behind. "Me and my assistant, Mr Lupin will aid in anyway we can."

Harry grinned.

"Mr Lupin, I need you to spit everyone up with partners including our memorable staff here."

In the end, Harry much to his disbelief found himself dueling Professor Snape while Flitwick was dueling Professor McGonagall. Younger Ron was paired up with Susan, Lavender was paired with Neville and Draco was paired up with Luna.

"BEGIN." Duncan shouted.

A burst of light burst from Snape's wand in a bout of wordless magic before he uttered another spell.

"Ingeropalsy."

In an attempt to move, Harry found his shoes were plastered to the ground and Harry fell awkwardly barely dodging the spell.

Reaching down, he untied his shoes and slipped out of them.

"Expelliarmus." Harry uttered.

The wand slipped from Snape's hand.

"Are you mad at me?" Harry asked.

Snape snarled reaching for his wand and cast another hex Harry's way.

Harry nearly slipped in his sock-cloven feet as he dodged the hex once more.

"If this is over Gage..."

He dodged another hex.

"I've broke up with him. He's my ex."

Harry barely dodged the next curse.

"You would too."

"Look,I could care less about your previous lovers. Who you decide to sleep with is certainly none of my business."

"You're jealous." Harry grumbled. "Does it look like I've taken a lover on the side?"

"SHUT UP."

Harry looked up at Snape's steely gaze and found that his irritation was driven to such extremes that he wanted to hex the man.

"Ingeropalsy."

"Cantis."

The hex hit him and Harry found he couldn't move but the sound of singing in his ears was enough to bring a smile to his face.

Laughter quickly joined it and much to Harry's indignation, Remus had been the one to initiate it.

"Wow, you two have your work cut out for you." Remus said casting the countercurses, the remedy to Harry and Snape's problems.

"SHUT UP." Both men's voices rang.

HPSS

"Severus, hey Severus." Harry called out to the man.

"What do you want?" Snape spat.

A chill crept across his back as if someone was watching him, Harry turned.

"I know you're watching us, Gage." He snarled. "If you don't come out right now I'll hex you."

Duncan Gage stepped from the shadows causing Snape's eyes to widen with surprise.

"What a coincidence meeting you in the halls like this."

"It's no coincidence. You were spying on us."

"I came to tell you-"

"If that's another attempt at blackmail I will make you live to regret it." Harry snarled.

"Blackmail?" Snape asked completely puzzled.

"I'm not playing your games. I don't care if you tell the entire school about our relationship. It is something of our past. We aren't and we will never be an item." Harry said his eyes closed clearly peeved.

"What? Is this ugly git, your new boyfriend?"

"No, he's not my boyfriend."

Snape's face turned ugly.

"Such a derogatory term for something so shallow and temporary. If he were something to me, I'd call him a lover." Harry said with a smirk.

Snape turned and looked at Harry with surprised. Seems it was time for Duncan's face to turn ugly.

"His skin is yellow and he has warts and everything." Duncan added nastily.

"Yeah and the complexion of your skin totally makes me swoon." Harry muttered sarcastically.

Duncan looked at him in disgust.

"Look maybe I have a fetish for warts, do you have a problem with it? Besides I'd prefer him over a shallow sod like you."

"Denial, it's always denial when it comes to you." Duncan grinned. "You can't possibly prefer him over me. Kiss him, then I'll believe you."

"You'll stop your relentless pursuits?"

"Yes."

Harry swallowed and turned towards Snape.

"Don't YOU dare." Snape snarled with a reddened face.

The look on the man's face was a mix of lust and determination.

"You do get me for yourself." Harry retorted with amusement.

"Relax he's not going to do a th-" Duncan drawled before he was cut off by the sight of Harry kissing Snape on the lips.

If Duncan was looking for acknowledgement of their previous deal it didn't seem he was going to recieve it anytime soon as Harry appeared to enjoy ravishing the ugly man.

At the sight of them kissing, his face paled and he looked like he was going to vomit as he turned and ran out of sight.

Snape found himself consciously trying to pull away but his body seemed to have a mind of it's own.

His hands of their own will, grabbed hold of the folds in the other man's robes.

Harry at some point had left his lips and began licking and nipping down his neck exposing more and more of his skin until he reached his collarbone.

He gasped at Harry bit on the column of his neck. The tips of nails ran down his chest, brushing through fabric and grazing his skin.

This feeling was like floating in a sea of clouds. Each stroke, every caress was akin to lighting during a thunderstorm.

Like danger during a sign of peace.

Harry's lips joined his once more. Snape gasped at the rugged, brutal kiss allowing a wet tongue to graze along his teeth.

The man was just about to reach down and stroke his ...

Snape quickly broke free from the kiss, pushing him away before his legs were giving out beneath him as he slid to the floor.

Harry turned and ran off.

'That brat.' Snape thought brushing his lips with his robe cloven arm.

HPSS

As the holiday drew nearer, Duncan had eventually turned in his resignation feeling heart-broken after seeing the kiss initiated between Snape and Harry.

Snape found it to be a blessing. For some reason he seemed to feel more happy than he had in a long time. He didn't know if it had anything to do with Harry or not but it was something he welcomed.

Outside his classroom, the students were lined up.

"Let's make one thing clear, if you need help with your potions homework, I'll meet you in the library." Snape saw Draco muttering to Luna.

"Oh alright." Luna said with a loopy smile.

As he turned and making his way to the classroom, he nearly backed up in surprise at the sight of Ginny in a pair of shades wearing a fake moustache, a brown hat and a trenchcoat.

"Inspector Golly wishes to say something to you with no less than three words..."Ginny said imitating a man's voice, causing a shiver to run down Snape's spine. "I'm onto you."

"Ms Weasley." Snape composed himself. "Why are you wearing shades? Need I remind you about the dresscode?"

"You may have fooled everyone else, but you don't fool me." She said with narrow eyes. "You are the side-kick of evil lord Wonton aren't you?"

"Remove that garb or leave my class." Snape snarled.

"Oh alright, no need to get snappy." Ginny said removing the shades, the hat and the trenchcoat.

After class, Draco dropped by to pick up Luna much to Snape's disgust and from the looks of it the classroom was empty.

Safe in the privacy of his office he didn't expect to receive the company of Ginny Weasley.

"Ah Professor Snape, just the person I wanted to see."

Snape looked up in surprise, he thought he was alone.

Ginny Weasley seemed to take on the persona of Inspector Golly once more.

"What are you doing here and why are you dressed up like that?" Snape asked incredulously.

"What did you do to Harry Potter? Where have you taken him?"

"When have I given the impression that I hold any interest in Harry Potter?"

"I heard you talking about him with Professor Wonton."

"I didn't do anything with him. I'm pretty sure if I did he'd be able to care for himself."

"I KNEW IT!"

"What?" Snape said in exasperation.

"You said in the second sentence that you were pretty sure if you did something to him he'd be able to care for himself. The only way you know that is if you met Harry Potter before."

Snape gasped.

"Now you're just making things up."

"I am, am I? I talked with Professor Dumbledore and he hasn't seen Harry Potter ever since he was a baby. He didn't even attend his first year and from what I heard you seem to hold quite an animosity towards him." Ginny said.

'Curse you, Harry Potter. The lengths I go for you...' Snape thought angrily.

"Fine, you got me. I'll admit it we might have talked a couple of times but you've got it all wrong. We're not enemies, I got acquainted with him a while back and he offered me an autograph."

"Lucky!"

"If only you'd been there." Snape muttered sarcastically. "Remember this is our secret, understand?"

"Yes."

End of Chapter 9.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

"So Mr Longbottom, what are you doing over the winter holiday?" Harry asked Neville after class.

"I hope to visit Pansy over the holiday. Lavender seems very concerned over her hands."

"Well good luck."

After Neville had left, Harry heard a knock on the door of his office.

Ron barged in looking very excited.

"Hey Professor, the Minister wants to see you."

"What now?"

"Well, we've managed to imprison most of Fudge's followers. I thought it'd be a good idea to turn over our little rat now that we've undermined Fudge."

"It seems kind of heartless of you to remove that finger from that other rat that you gave to your younger self."

"Look the ends justify the means don't they? I'm certain he doesn't suspect a thing." Ron said.

Harry opened a drawer at his desk unveiling a magical cage with a white rat sealed inside.

"Then let's go."

Together the two men made their way to the Ministry.

"Minister Bones, you wished to see me?"

"Mr Frankfurter has informed me that the two of you happened to stumble upon Mr Pettigrew correct?"

"Yes." Harry said.

"That is an outrageous claim coming from you as Peter Pettigrew is dead. Do you have any evidence?"

Harry held out the magical cage encasing the rat inside.

"What's this?"

"Something you might be unaware of is the fact that Peter Pettigrew is an unregistered animagus. His animagus form happens to be this white rat."

"And if you're lying?" Amelia inquired.

"It doesn't hurt to check out our story does it?" Harry added suavely. "Though I might suggest we test that theory in the detainment room where there is no possible escape through cracks in the wall."

"Alright."

The three made their way to the detainment room where the aurors joined up with them.

"Are the exits secure?" Amelia asked. Dedalus Diggle and Doris Crockford who stood by the door began to check for cracks or holes in the walls.

"Yes, Minister." Doris replied.

"Unleash the cage."

Harry cast the countercurse unleashing the cage and as the rat began to run, Alastor cast the countercharm of the animagus charm.

The rat transformed and conformed to the short, stout man causing some of the aurors' eyes to widen in shock.

"See, see, I told you." Harry said.

"What? H-How did you know I was an animagus?" Peter stuttered.

Harry chose to ignore him.

Peter was brought to his feet with the help of Moody. Doris, who was near by seemed to take pleasure in imprisoning him with rope and tying him to the chair.

Her fingers seemed to enjoy teasing the flesh along his neck.

"Playing innocent though you've been caught is quite charming." Doris said with a grin.

Peter gulped.

"Now I believe you have another witness in concerns with Sirius Black. There is the Double Jeopardy clause in the Lawbook isn't there?"

"Yes."

"Since I don't seem to recall a time where Peter actually told the truth perhaps you should administer veritaserum."

"You are aware Mr Wonton, that the act is highly illegal without the consent of Mr Pettigrew himself."

"Who has managed to fool everyone into thinking he's dead and by default no longer one who abides under Ministry law." Harry said with a grin causing Peter to gulp in horror.

"Alright."

"But don't I get a trial?" Peter pleaded.

"Unfortunately for you, that is only for wizards who are still alive." Amelia explained.

"It might be fickle if Peter perhaps acquired the ability of Occlumency."

"Don't worry about it, Mr Wonton. I have ways of making him talk." Doris said in a sultry voice before whispering in Peter's ear. "Don't I?"

Peter opened his mouth in horror and Doris clasped his jaw while Alastor administered the veritaserum.

"What is your name?"

"Peter Pettigrew.

"What were you doing the day Sirius Black was arrested?"

"I intended on hiding in my animagus form before he appeared and confronted me over the deaths of James and Lily Potter. So in a rash action of self-preservation I killed everyone who witnessed it intending on framing Sirius Black."

"I see. Mr Moody, won't you drop by Azkaban and relinquish our prisoner from his confinement." Amelia called to Moody.

"Yes, ma'am."

"Doris, you'll make sure Pettigrew is well-guarded won't you?"

"Certainly."

HPSS

Once the three of them made it back to Minister Bone's office, Moody appeared accompanied by a rugged shaggy man.

"Look, do ye' ave any whiskey?" The man slurred before he began to slump, Harry caught him just in time.

"A little loony it appears." Moody commented.

"Quite a looker, ain't ye?" Sirius said lunging close to the Minister commenting her beauty.

"Minister, can I take him home with me?" Harry asked.

"Alright."

"We should go on a date sometime, how does that sound?" Sirius said stuttering in his attempt at flirting with the Minister.

"Only when you're sober." Amelia replied in return before turning to Harry. "Now for the reason I wanted to speak to you, Mr Wonton."

Sirius giggled.

"Lucius has been putting political pressure on vetoing the vampire clause and I'm hoping to promote equal rights between wizards and those inflicted with a status of vampire or werewolf. See there are a couple of empty seats in the Wizengamot and I'd like you to convince Mr Lupin to become a member."

"Really?"

"Yes, we could use wizards like him."

"Ok, I'll get back to you on that." Harry replied turning, him and Ron making his way out of the building with Sirius.

"You can use the floo if you wish."

"Oh, right." Harry uttered completely flustered.

The moment the three had arrived in his office, Harry had brought Sirius to his feet looking for a chair for him to sit in.

Ron got up and dragged a chair towards them where Harry had placed Sirius.

"Oh Sirius what did they do to you?" He muttered with sympathy.

"He looks worse than last time." Ron commented rummaging the cupboards of Harry's office. "Now whiskey was it?"

Just then there was a loud persistant knock on the door.

"I believe that's for you, Harry." Ron purred. "Looks like your lover wants to see you."

"SHUT UP."

HPSS

Harry opened the door.

"What is it, Severus?"

"Where were you?"

"What do you mean?" Harry asked innocently.

"I dropped by your office a couple of times and tried knocking on the door but you weren't there."

"I was doing errands."

"What kind of errands?"

"That's none of your business."

"Can I come in?"

"No."

"You're hiding something." Snape said with narrowed eyes.

"No, I'm not." Harry snapped defensively.

"When I'm here you usually invite me to come in."

"Look why don't you drop by later...I'm really busy right now." Harry said, intending on slamming the door on the potions master.

Unfortunately a foot stopped the door in it's path and Snape winced.

"Damn it, Potter." Snape snarled before looking up and Harry saw he was reaching for his wand.

"Stop."

"Housing a criminal and I thought you couldn't stoop any lower." Snape spat.

"If you hurt him I'm not below killing you." Harry replied coldly. Snape put his wand away, snarling at the gall of the man.

"How can you allow that murderer to reside in your office. He murdered your parents."

"No, he didn't. If he did, wouldn't that make you a murderer as well? You were one of the primary people who contributed to their deaths." Harry said causing Snape to pale in horror.

"Look I'm sorry if I could make amends I would..." Snape explained.

Harry opened the door wider to allow Snape in before closing it behind him.

"It isn't necessary because you didn't murder them, you didn't rat out their location to Lord Voldemort and neither did Sirius Black." Harry explained. "That honour belongs to Peter Pettigrew."

Snape took a seat across from Sirius Black who was sitting at the table drinking whiskey.

"You lie, Pettigrew is dead."

"You doubt a time traveler? Only you would have the nerve to question a time traveler."

"Who hasn't given any evidence that he is who he says he is."

"Yet you still believe me anyway."

Snape growled.

"Look promise me you won't kill him, alright."

"Fine, Potter." Snape said grudgingly.

" 'ey, fancy drinking a couple of shots with me?" Sirius slurred.

"Is he pissed?"

"A little bit, Ron poured him a couple shots of whiskey."

"That explains why the sod isn't throwing any nasty barbs."

"He was like that before we even gave him any whiskey." Ron said.

"Think he might be a bit barmy?"

"He does look like he's been under a lot of wear and tear."

At some point, Sirius passed out on the table.

Snape cast a diagnosis charm on his body.

"Probably insane by the looks of it."

"Is there a cure?" Harry asked.

"Might take a couple of months or years depending on how compassionate I'm feeling at the moment."

"Hey, don't be so mean."

"Your father and his friends always bullied me as a past time how do you think that feels?"

"Looks like someone is yearning for a bit of sympathy." Ron quirked.

Snape flushed.

"It's not like you're completely innocent either, I seem to recall you liked bullying other people as well." Harry said.

"I stay with my previous words, I will not change my mind." Snape huffed.

"Can he stay with you then? At least for the time being." Harry said. "I have to talk to Remus."

HPSS

"She wants _**me **_to become a member of the Wizengamot?" Remus asked rather puzzled.

"Yeah, doesn't it sound like a great idea?"

"It's a terrible idea. I think you should know Mr Wonton that I happen to be a werewolf."

"Yes, Minister Bones told me that and all. She seems to think if you joined the Wizengamot you can help her in her cause for equality amongst wizards."

Remus seemed to ponder something.

"Why? It's not like the Wizengamot is lacking members."

"They are actually. Minister Bones arrested those all those under Fudge's regime."

"I see. I'll send her a letter through owl post, she should receive my reply tomorrow."

"Thanks."

"Feel free to drop by my office anytime, Mr Wonton."

"I'll keep that in mind." Harry said making his way back to his office.

Snape welcomed him at the door.

"Minister Bones sent you a message over the floo. She said it was urgent." Snape said and Harry quickly pushed him unceremoniously aside and flooed the Ministry.

Peaking on the other side, Harry saw Amelia straighten the papers behind her desk.

"What is it, Minister?"

"Peter Pettigrew has escaped."

"What? How?"

"He escaped with Ms Crockford."

"Should we go after him? What if he harms her?"

"I assure you, Mr Wonton. He will do no such thing, turns out Crockford helped Pettigrew escape."

"Oh Merlin, I knew there was something up between those two." Harry sighed before flooing back.

HPSS

"What happened?" Snape asked.

"What did she say, mate?" Ron asked. "Pettigrew didn't escape did he?"

"HOW DID YOU KNOW?"

"That's usually what happens around you. The probable outcome least likely to happen usually happens. It's a curse, mate."

"So how did it happen?"

"Crockford aided his escape."

"Really?" Ron's eyes lit up in amazement. "That never happens. I would have never guessed Pettigrew was so desirable. Rats, I wanted to kill him, too."

"Never mind that, how will I ever avenge Lily?" Snape snarled.

"That's unnecessary, I think Pettigrew already got served in the future and as long as our paths don't coincide there is no need to intervene."

"He may have got served in the future by why should that matter if I didn't witness it." Snape snapped clearly distraught.

"It doesn't but in any case there's no way we can find him presently and I have bigger fish to fry."

During the beginning of the next term much to Snape's dismay, Nymphadora Tonks had replaced Lupin's position as the Defence Against the Dark Arts professor.

She had seated between Harry and Snape much to the latter's dismay.

Snape's fists clenched in irritation.

"Can't you sit somewhere else?" Snape growled.

"No, I won't take this from you. You lied to me, Snape."

"About what?"

"You didn't tell me that Mr Wonton was actually Harry Potter."

"Because he isn't."

"Well, the Daily Prophet says a different story."

"WHAT?" Ron, Harry and Snape asked in surprise.

'Oh so that's why Ms Weasley was wearing that smug look on her face. No doubt to flaunt over the fact that she already knew about it.' Snape thought.

Harry swiped a copy of the Daily Prophet from Professor Flitwick on his left while Snape swiped Professor McGonagall's copy.

'Boy who lived', Found and Gay

by Rita Skeeter

New evidence has come to light that Harry Potter has taken up the teaching position as Professor of History of Magic. Who is he? Why he's Professor Wonton.

What has our saviour been up to all this time? Juste Sanguini had this to say, "Lord Wonton, has helped save the life of Minister Bones and passed the law of equality amongst werewolves, vampires and wizards."

That's not all apparently our boy saviour is in a relationship with Hogwarts renowned potions professor, Severus Snape.

Whether or not the two will say anything on the matter, though is another story. Tell me though readers, why would the ministry want to cover this up?

Murmuring amongst the students which was once a quiet thing began to escalate around the room and much to his horror it seemed most intended on confronting the headmaster about it.

Harry gritted his teeth and Snape growled with clenched fists.

"Who believes this crap?"

"Probably everyone, Rita can be a very persuasive writer." Tonks commented.

"That's just what I need." Harry groaned.

HPSS

"Where are you going?" Snape called out to Harry, following him outside the school grounds later that afternoon.

"No point in having a glamour anymore. I'm going to have Jewel and Vivan remove the glamour charm."

"They know who you are?"

"We told them as part of the contract."

"You and Weasley?"

"Yeah."

"Then I'm coming with you."

"Really?" Harry asked mildly surprised. "I thought you despised me. After I remove the glamour I'll look exactly like my father when he was younger."

"I don't despise you, it'd certainly be easier if I did. If you looked like your father it would have been a cinch but now even that doesn't matter to me." Snape said. "You and your father are two different people. Just like you and your mother happen to be two different people."

"Is that a compliment, Severus?"

Snape flushed.

"You're quite an interesting person yourself, Severus." Harry replied with a soft smile.

Snape held onto his wrist and the two apparated to London.

"Ah Mr Wonton it's about time you've arrived." Jewel greeted Harry outside their whimsical place and turned towards Snape. "Severus, right?"

Snape nodded.

Jewel led them inside.

"Do you already know why I'm here?" Harry asked Jewel.

She smiled. "Yes, I just have to retrieve Vivan from the other room."

Both men were quite surprised however to see Vivan talking with Mrs Lovegood.

"Good, you two finally arrived." Vivan said in her sultry voice. "I assume, Mr Wonton that you wish to remove the glamours."

"Yes." Harry said nodding in agreement.

"Alright."

"Finally." Snape sighed. "Now how you remove the glamours?"

"You don't listen very well do you?" Vivan drawled sarcastically. "The one who wishes to unveil the disguise has to shake their hips three times, wave their arms as they dance in around in a circle remaining in the same spot and jump once."

"You were serious?" Snape inquired looking very bewildered.

"Of course, I was serious." Vivan snapped.

Jewel giggled.

"Now dance," Vivan commanded the potions master.

Snape flushed.

"Fine."

Harry found he was quite amused at the potion master's little act.

At the corner of his eye, Snape saw the glamours slowly vanishing leaving a boy with black matted hair, green eyes wearing his baggy clothing.

Shock was an understatement. Snape realised everything the man had said earlier was true. He really was Harry Potter though he couldn't have possibly been the 12 year old he saw at the moment. The boy was thin and lithe like a toothpick, it was a weight that looked phenominally unhealthy.

This 12 year old knew the counter-curses to spells he had created. Deep within that boy was a man from the future who merged bodies with his 12 year old self.

What he didn't know was what sadistic being would go through all of that trouble sending the mind of an adult version of Harry Potter back in time, merging it with his younger self.

The absurdity of it all made him laugh though it wasn't a very merry laugh.

"Now that we got that squared away. Ms Lovegood has told me that she's managed to concoct a permanent aging potion which should revert you back to the form of your future self." Vivan said.

"Well, I can't remain like this forever. I'm much too old for younger people and look too young for older people." Harry commented before Vivan handed him a grey potion in a small vial.

Harry took a swig.

The man's little body began to extend and much to Snape's amazement began to fit right back in his older clothes.

A small part of Snape could admit to himself that the man looked quite pleasing to the eye.

"See something you like, Severus?"

Snape's eyes snapped back to Harry's.

"Let's go back to school."

HPSS

He didn't know if Snape knew it or not, but the man was following him.

Harry opened the door to his office and turned towards Severus.

"Are you coming in?"

He didn't know why but his body seemed to have a mind of it's own joining Harry in his office. Snape turned and closed the door.

The moment his eyes found their way back to Harry, Snape realised he was completely lost.

He gasped as soft lips devoured his own.

Hands pulled at his robes as Harry kissed down his neck once more.

Snape could feel his neck tingle as he felt Harry smirking against his neck.

"Take them off." Harry whispered in his ear before nipping it.

For a moment, Snape had no idea what Harry had been talking about until hands began to aid him in removing his robes.

"You pervert." Snape said quietly, blushing angrily.

Harry carefully scrutinised the body embelishing every scar, every blemish to memory. He noted that the man's body was quite thin, his thigh bones and his ribs jutting out from his body.

The man's arms were surprisingly tender noted as Harry could hear him gasp, panting quickly under his breath as his hands ran down his sallow skin.

"Do you like this?"

"Of course I do."

Harry kissed him once more pushing him towards the bedroom in his quarters and littered his body with kisses as they collapsed onto his bed.

At some point he looked up capturing Snape's dark, lustful gaze with his own.

"Don't look at me. It's rude to stare." Snape snarled, his face visibly flushed.

"Why Severus, it looks like you might be a little self-conscious." Harry added snarkily.

"As I lie here, I can't help but comment the reason why I'm feeling self-conscious is because someone worked up the nerve to strip me of my clothes while they themselves being completely clothed." Snape uttered sarcastically.

"Oh want me to strip do you?" Harry uttered huskily, chuckling at the snarky man.

"Any day would be nice."

Harry removed himself and sat on the side of the bed, quickly removing his shoes, socks and his robes and tossed them in random places just so he could give himself something to do the next morning.

"How's this?"

"Better." Snape said, grinning at his expense.

Harry straddled his hips and began stroking his... Snape gasped as the fingers didn't look like they'd be stopping anytime soon.

He gulped at the intention that was clear in the other boy's eyes and screamed as the pleasure reached it's heights.

Snape winced. At the rate they were going, he'd have a bruised arse by tomorrow.

Fingers began to travel up his abdomen flicking the nubs causing gasps and groans to escape his lips until finally he was spent.

Eventually Harry had removed himself from his spent body and decided to lay beside him.

Much to Snape's horror, Harry had pulled him closer so he was resting against his chest beneath his chin.

'My life's complete, I have a chivalrous knight to come to my rescue.'

Together the two fell asleep in each other's arms.

HPSS

The next morning Harry awoke to the sight of Snape who looked calm, peaceful and oddly serene sleeping next to him.

'I wish he didn't have to wake up. He's more tolerable when he's asleep.' Harry thought with a smile, as he forced himself to his feet in pursuit of his clothing.

Harry found his robes had been tossed on the desk.

'I don't even want to know how my trousers got stuck up there.' He fetched his trousers that were hanging on the mantle above the fireplace.

Harry who had found one of his shoes was looking for the other one underneath the bed when he heard a groan from the room's other occupant.

"Ah Sleeping beauty, finally awake." He turned to smile at Snape.

"What are you doing?"

"Finding my clothes, that's all."

"Were you planning on leaving?" Snape inquired in a frosty voice.

"No."

The reply didn't ease the angry expression on Snape's face.

"Would you want this simply to be a one-night stand?" Harry asked sternly.

"Of course not." Snape spat.

"Then I'm not leaving." Harry replied.

"Is this a prank? When I was asleep, were you planning on sneaking out and telling your friend about us intending on humiliating me?"

"If I intended on telling him about this in hopes of humiliating you, I assure you I wouldn't be too successful. Ron holds you in high regard and he'd be disgusted with me."

"Really, I would have never guessed." Snape drawled nastily.

"I'm fetching my clothes so I could get us something to eat." Harry explained. "You do want something to eat, don't you?"

"Of course I do."

"Ok then."

Harry scouted the room once more looking for his second shoe.

"Now where did I put that second shoe?"

"Are you a wizard?"

"O-Oh, of course." Harry stammered flushing crimson. "Accio shoe."

Suddenly a shoe whirled out from underneath the bed and hit Harry square in the face.

"Ouch."

Snape snickered, stammering in attempts not to laugh.

"A-Are you alright?"

Harry could hear him make a funny sound.

"Ah, just go ahead and laugh. You know you want to."

That was enough and Harry was bombarded by the sound of Snape's laughter as he clutched his nose moaning in pain.

HPSS

Once Harry had made his way into the kitchens, he began to collect food for Snape and him.

The house elves didn't seem to mind making him exquisite dishes.

One of them however had given him a message from Dumbledore.

Quickly Harry made his way back to his quarters, where Snape sat on his bed looking deep in thought.

On his bedside table, Harry could see there was a letter alot like his own.

"What's that?" He asked pointing to the parchment.

"Just a letter from Dumbledore." Snape explained.

"You got one too?"

"A house elf delivered it."

"Mine, too."

"I know why he'd want to talk to me but what business does he have with you?" Snape grumbled.

"Your guess is as good as mine."

"Is he aware of your predicament?"

"I didn't tell him."

"What?"

"I didn't tell him. Time travel is illegal I'm not stupid. This might not be the typical method of time travel but it's still illegal never the less."

"You don't think he knows you are a time traveler?"

"I'd hope not or it's a one-way ticket to Azkaban for me and the Minister won't be able to help me out of this one." Harry commented.

Later that afternoon, Snape dropped by Dumbledore's office uttering the password.

"Black liquorice."

The door opened and Snape went inside.

"Is there a reason you wished to see me, headmaster?"

"Severus, have you any news of the whereabouts of Harry Potter?"

"It's written in the Daily Prophet."

"Harry would be twelve this year wouldn't he?" Dumbledore asked absent-mindedly.

"What does that got to do with anything?"

"Severus, the Daily Prophet is known primarily for it's written slander and if I-"

"You don't believe me." Snape replied with a sigh.

"Professor Wonton cannot be Harry Potter, Severus. You know that as well as I do because if he were Harry, the Ministry would have placed a trace on his wand the moment he'd arrived."

"He is Harry Potter. He told me his consciousness was transported to the body of his younger self. That's why the trace doesn't work. The Ministry wouldn't place a trace on the wand of a full-grown wizard."

"I see." Dumbledore murmured craftily, his eyes twinkling mischieviously.

Later during the evening, Harry headed towards Dumbledore's office. Outside he noted Ron standing nearby.

"What are you doing here, Ron."

"I received a letter from Professor Dumbledore."

"Me too." Harry said. "Why are you waiting out here though?"

"He's busy talking with someone in there." Ron said.

"Who."

Just then, Dumbledore opened the door.

"Come in." He said.

Harry and Ron followed him.

"I don't know about you mate, but I have a bad feeling about this." Ron murmured to Harry.

Once inside Dumbledore's office, much to Harry's horror the room was filled with aurors.

"What are they doing here?" Harry asked.

"You and Mr Weasley are under arrest for conducting of illegal time travel." Alastor said, grabbing roughly onto Harry's shoulder.

Harry turned and saw Ron was grabbed similarly by auror Dedalus Diggle.

"Let's go."

The pain of betrayal lingered as he stared directly into the eyes of the old man who had once been his mentor.

"I so didn't see that coming." Ron murmured to Harry as they were being dragged to Azkaban by the aurors.

END of Chapter 10. End of Book 2.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11.

In his dark and dreary cell in Azkaban, Harry picked up a small pebble and threw it across the room where he was detained.

Despite the fact the time travel wasn't of his free will, he knew it was only right he be sent to Azkaban for it though he was still very angered at the fact that they had snapped his wand.

He could have testified under veritaserum but often as his only defence was himself, his testimony could have been used against him and if he had happened to blurt anything out concerning Ron or the murders of the Hermiones, the Ministry could possibly kill them out of fear of a new Dark Lord coming into existance.

He could just see it now. Lucius from the looks of it was probably manipulating his way back into the right eyes of the people with his statement in the Daily Prophet. If it were the witch trials he'd have been burnt to the stake.

It wouldn't have mattered if at one point his previous self had once owned this body. Due to the intervention of some higher power, someone had killed his previous self and had sent his mind back in time to merge with this husk so to speak so now those didn't apply.

As far as they were concerned he was no longer a child.

Luckily the dementors had been transferred elsewhere when Ms Bones had become Minister because when or if he managed to escape he was going to make the person who thought transferring his consciousness from the future into his past self was a good idea, pay dearly.

Especially if it happened to be anyone from his fanbase.

At some point, Alastor had dropped by with the recent article of the Daily Prophet.

"Here's your mail." He uttered handing him two envelopes.

Harry took them before sitting down on the corner of the cell and rummaging through them.

The first was a letter from the Dursleys.

Dear Harry,

Are you coming home sometime soon? We really miss you. Mum and Dad are a bit worried with the stuff that has been going on lately. Apparently there has been a massive outbreak of these vampire-like creatures wrecking havoc all over London. I seen it on the telly. I hope it's nothing to serious.

Sincerely Dudley.

P.S. Yes, Mum and Dad helped me write the letter.

Harry laughed. 'I guess Dudley isn't so bad after all.'

The next letter was from the Daily Prophet.

Dear Mr Wonton,

Due to the massive growth of our newspaper over these last couple of months, we have obtained the funding to provide a trip for you and one other person to travel to Egypt for a week. As luck would have it you were one of those who had been selected from our drawing last year.

Congratulations on winning and best of luck.

'Well at least I have something to look forward to. Sure hope this article of the Daily Prophet will be just as good.' Harry thought.

It however wasn't meant to be for the moment Harry picked up the Daily Prophet, he could only read the title of the main article in horror.

Potion Master Missing

by Rita Skeeter

Just last week, Albus Dumbledore has voiced concerns to the disappearance of Severus Snape, Hogwarts renowned potions master. I've been told Lucius had been last to see him, dropping by to pay his respect to an old friend. Continued on page 3.

Harry gritted his teeth. There was no respect between him and the eldest Malfoy. It had always been a grudging relationship and certainly if he had got news of that article not to long ago about him hooking up with Snape it would mean trouble if Voldemort had come back.

There was no doubt in Harry's mind though that Lucius was responsible for Snape's disappearance and for that he would have his revenge.

HPSS

At the beginning of another school year much to the joy of many of the students, Hagrid had become the new professor for Care of Magical Creatures. Many of the students protested over the addition of Duncan Gage as the muggle studies professor however.

Dumbledore had called Neville after class to discuss about horcruxes and the destiny bestowed upon him after Harry had vanished.

"It's up to you to destroy the horcruxes and get rid of Voldemort once and for all."

"I thought Harry Potter was supposed to be the hero."

"Don't question the old man."

"All right."

Neville agreed but it was with reluctance and a significant amount of distrust.

"Where are you going, Neville?" Lavender asked.

"To destroy the horcruxes."

"You can't leave the campus though. What would your grandmother say?"

"She wouldn't discourage me, if that's what you are asking." Neville replied.

"This is suicide. Dumbledore is crazy if he thinking of sending you on a mission to destroy horcruxes."

"120 and counting."

"That many?"

"There is no limits as to how many horcruxes can be created and since no one has successfully stopped you-know-who from killing anyone else he can just keep creating them." Neville said.

"Then if you're going I'm coming with you." Lavender said.

"Does Pansy want to come too?" Neville asked.

"I'll have to ask her."

The three of them had got quite close over the summer, visiting Pansy at St Mungos. At some point, Pansy was free to go and her hands healed and she returned back to school.

"Pansy, will you come with us?" Lavender asked.

"Where to?" Pansy inquired darkly.

"We're on a mission to destroy all 120 horcruxes made by Voldemort."

"Sound good, I'm in." Pansy replied with amusement.

HPSS

Meanwhile in a graveyard with barkless trees that had branches that stretched outwards like skeletal fingers, Snape found himself in a very undesirable predicament.

The man was tied up to a gravestone much to his horror and Lucius had managed to remove some of his blood for some dangerous dark ritual resurrecting Voldemort from his spiritual form.

Now the black cauldron had green steam flowing from out of it and Voldemort naked, stepped out of the cauldron looking particularly snakey.

"Ah Severus, how nice of you to join us." Voldemort purred.

"Look, don't try anything nasty alright." Snape snarled.

"What are you talking about?"

"You're starkers and I'm tied up. It leaves a bad impression, so don't do it."

"I honestly don't have any clue as to what you are talking about." Voldemort uttered appearing completely clueless.

"Good, you don't need to know." Snape said, seeming to look for something.

"Looking for this?" Lucius said holding out the other man's wand.

Snape looked at him indifferently.

"Not at all."

"It's fruitless trying to escape Severus. If you try and break free from the ropes, you will burn to bits." Lucius drawled nastily.

"Lucius tells me that you are in a relationship with Harry Potter." Voldemort drawled ignoring Lucius. "Is that true?"

"No, of course not."

"This coming from our spy who was submitting to pleasure by the man."

"Fancy yourself a voyeur?" Snape spat.

Lucius flushed.

"You are under petty delusions, I despise Potter."

Voldemort growled causing Lucius to shiver visibly.

"It's true though, my lord. I saw it with my own eyes." Lucius said. "Give it time, Potter will show up to rescue Snape."

"You better not be lying, Lucius. You know what I do to liars." Voldemort snarled.

HPSS

At some point during the first couple of weeks at Hogwarts after Neville, Pansy and Lavender were on their mission to search for the horcruxes, Ginny upset with the disappearance of her hero began to suspect somebody had kidnapped him.

'That old man looks the most suspicious like Gandalf after he fought Saruman.' Ginny thought with observation. 'That twinkling doesn't seem to be helping with his defence that well either.'

"Hey Ron." Ginny called out to her older brother.

The younger Ron who was sitting between Dean and Seamus turned towards her.

"What?"

"Have you noticed Mr Wonton's gone missing?"

"Well, Harry Potter happens to be a busy man." Ron chided in.

"Not so, just the other day I heard Neville talking with Lavender about his training with Dumbledore. Dumbledore seems to think Harry Potter is dead but that simply cannot be so because the Daily Prophet hasn't published an orbituary in the Daily Prophet in regards to his death."

"What are you saying?"

"I think that old coot has something to do with Harry Potter's disappearance."

"I heard a rumour that Dumbledore was this famous wizard known for sending many dark wizards to Azkaban." Seamus muttered.

"You don't think Mr Wonton was actually a dark lord do you?" Ron asked in disbelief.

"Yes, I do. Perhaps Professor Dumbledore was scared Harry Potter would turn dark. Afraid of Harry's powers maybe Dumbledore sent him to Azkaban."

"Oh no, we got to help him." Seamus said.

"This looks like a job for Inspector Golly." Ginny said in her fake male voice pulling out her portable moustache out of the pocket of her robes and placing on her upper lip. "Look we need to start a little group or regime in aiding Mr Wonton and helping him escape from Azkaban."

"I'm not getting involved in this." Ron muttered.

"Alright." Dean said.

"I'll recruit some members." Seamus added.

"Yes, you will Ron or I will tell Fred and George about your involvement with Susan and Daphne." Ginny uttered in her fake male voice.

Ron blushed.

The group eventually formed and Hagrid volunteered as the club's advisor. Ginny had grown quite attached to his hippogriff, Buckbeak.

Everyone interested in the club gathered outside Hagrid's hut.

"This club will cover training regarding how to infiltrate and defend against any dangerous beings we shall come against. Club is after classes every Tuesday and Thursday." Ginny explained.

"What's wrong with what Professor Tonks wants to teach us?" Zacharias asked.

Ginny smiled.

"There's nothing wrong with what she teaches us. This is just a faster way of learning new stuff."

After everyone left, Ginny made her way to the Defence Classroom.

"Hey Tonks."

"Ginny, what are you doing down here?"

"We started the club and all."

"I heard you've taken quite a fancy for the boy-who-lived."

"You don't seem all too happy about it."

Tonks swept in and kissed her on the lips.

"It's because I'm not."

HPSS

Harry awoke to a sound of a noisy clattering and got to his feet walking to the entrance of his cell.

Outside the narrow bars of his cell, he saw Sanguini accompanied by the chimera. Carmilla, Harry remembered.

"Lord Wonton, what are you doing in this cell."

"Illegal time travel." Harry mumbled with embarrassment.

"So that article in the Daily Prophet was true?" Sanguini asked before turning to Carmilla. "Did you know this?"

"Of course I knew it. We're both practically the same person, Sanguini." Carmilla said.

"If that's all you're in here for then why don't we help you escape."

"If you release him I'll tell the prison guards." A voice cackled.

"Who is that?" Sanguini asked turning around, facing a woman with black matted hair with age rings under her eyes.

"That's Bellatrix Lestrange." Carmilla explained.

"What's she doing there?" Harry inquired on the other side of the door.

"Your guess is as good as mine."

Suddenly a loud yelp came from the other side of the door.

"Harry?"

Sanguini peaked through the bars. A rugged man seemed to have grabbed him from behind encasing him in a choke hold.

"He's in a fight with his cellmate."

"Let me see." Carmilla said peaking through the bars on her tiptoes. "That's Rodolphus Lestrange."

"My husband." Bellatrix barked.

Harry grunted, struggling before managing to elbow the man in the chest and turned kicking him in the groin.

The man yelped in pain and Harry punched him across the face.

"Here Harry, you can borrow my wand." Carmilla said placing her wand between the bars.

Harry took it.

"Stupefy."

The bulky, burly man closed his eyes, unconscious.

Suddenly there was a loud stomping, the sound of guards coming closer.

"Looks like the three of you created quite a ruckus." Bellatrix cackled. "You'll never be able to escape now. They'll kill you two and Potty will be sent in a high security cell."

Sanguini quickly opened his cell and Harry stepped outside.

"Ron's in the cell down the hall." Harry said to Sanguini who quickly fetched Ron.

"If you have an easier way to escape I'd love to hear it, Bellatrix." Harry hissed.

"Not unless you release me." Bellatrix retorted.

"Fine, I'll release you on the condition that I'll be able to kill the both of you when the time is fit."

"It will be my pleasure to see you suffer, Potty."

"Um Harry, why are you talking with Bellatrix?" Ron asked.

"Release her." Harry uttered ignoring Ron.

"Harry, are you sure?" Carmilla asked.

"Just do it."

Sanguini opened Bellatrix's cell. The woman stepped outside and showed the four, a secret exit under her cell and they went down without any hesitation.

As the guards drew nearer, their eyes widened in horror at the two open cells.

Bellatrix kicked one of them in the face and quickly grabbed their wand on the floor before firing spell that caused them all to collapse to the ground before turning and opening Harry's cell.

Inside Rodolphus was unconscious on the solid stone floor and looking at the body of her husband nastily she pointed the wand at his body.

"Avadakedavra." She chanted. A green light exited the wand causing it to splinter and break apart. Bellatrix tossed it aside. Her husband was no more.

The sound of more guards coming heightened Bella's guard and she joined Harry and the others underground.

"So where's the exit, Bellatrix?" Harry asked looking at the stone wall blocking their path.

"With the five of us, we should be able to push it aside."

"Oh so that's why you didn't try escaping earlier. We wouldn't want anymore plot holes, now." Harry and Carmilla uttered at the same time.

HPSS

'What is taking that man so long?' Snape thought as he looked at a pattern on the wall with an absurd interest. 'If I was a princess captured by a dragon I'd already be dead with the lack of food and water supplied to me in my dark and dreary cell in a putrid smelling dungeon. He'd better have a good excuse.'

"Are you thinking of something sarcastic that you want to say to me?" A voice uttered.

Snape's eyebrows rose at the familiarity of it.

"Potter?"

"That's how you greet your rescuer? I ought to leave you to rot in your cell." Harry huffed.

"I'd be better served. What took you so long?" Snape growled.

"I was sent to Azkaban. Azkaban. How did you expect me to escape? Super powers, creature inheritance, my fanbase?"

"No need to be sarcastic, Potter."

"No, I've had it with this. I won't tolerate you talking to me that way. You can rot for all I care." Harry huffed, mockingly walking out in an exaggerated gait.

Snape was silent.

Harry came back.

"I was kidding you git. You may be mean and all, very bittersweet compared to the most sugarless chocolate but it sure is fun teasing you." Harry said chuckling at the expression on Snape's face.

"Just release me, Potter."

"Alright." Harry said as he attempted to unbind the rope.

"Sorry I can't allow that." Lucius uttered.

Harry turned.

"Captured Snape did you?" He snarled.

"It was quite the amusing ride."

"He has your wand." Snape said.

"I thought they snapped it when I went to Azkaban."

"I switched our wands before you visited with Dumbledore." Snape added.

"I wouldn't really call it amusing, not for any revenge I plan." Harry replied to Lucius.

"Has my presence angered you, Mr Potter?"

"Not at all. Fancy we should become lovers?" Harry asked, a smile plastered on his face.

"What are you talking about, Potter?" Snape spat.

"Don't worry Snape. It would have been a threesome."

"That won't be necessary." A cold voice rung out.

All three turned around at the sight of Voldemort, Bellatrix beside him.

"You're finally back, my lord." Bellatrix purred.

Much to Harry's amusement, Voldemort seemed to ignore her.

"Let's end this once and for all, Harry Potter."

"You know what, can we postpone this until tomorrow?" Harry asked. "I know you're expecting me to kill you and all but I'd like some time to get reaquainted with my lover."

"No."

"I knew it. You just wouldn't understand the mechanics of what goes on between two lovers." Harry snarled.

"What?"

"The only woman who shows interest in you, you happen to push aside. Have you ever thought how Bellatrix must feel hitting on a clueless virgin?"

"You lie. She's married. Quite happily to Rodolphus. I might add."

"Not anymore."

"What did you do, Bella?"

"We're getting off topic." Lucius snarled. "Just kill him already.

"I killed my husband."

"See and she did it all for you." Harry said.

"Shut up." Voldemort snarled, blush visible against his skin.

"Look you two won't be able to become successful lovers unless you retire from this villainy. How about we call it a truce?" Harry said.

"No," A voice rang.

Harry saw Neville and Pansy parading behind them, both accompanied by a phoenix. It seemed Gale and Fawkes had joined them at some point. He saw Pansy had replaced her hands with hooks coming out of her arms.

"What are Gale and Fawkes doing with you?" Harry asked.

"He's bonded with them." Pansy explained. "They're his familiars."

"Bellatrix is the reason my parents are in the insanity ward." Neville said.

Bellatrix looked distraught.

"Don't be upset, Bella. He does have a point." Voldemort uttered.

"What's the matter with you people?" Lucius snarled. "Just kill them and be done with it."

Bella sulked.

"Fine, I apologise but only because you asked me to." Bella huffed turning to Voldemort who wrapped her in his cool embrace.

"Say Neville what are you doing here anyway?" Harry asked.

Neville looked at him in surprise.

"I thought you were dead. Dumbledore told me..."

"He lied."

"I just finished getting rid of all 120 horcruxes and we broke in. Greyback killed Lavender." Neville explained.

"You know what? Why not just kill every single one of my followers it would save you the trouble in having to deal with them." Voldemort said. "Harry, look I'm really sorry for the murders of your parents and all."

"It's no big deal, they died before I can even get to know them." Harry said swiping his wand from Lucius.

"Yeah and that's make things fine and dandy." Snape drawled sarcastically.

"Look we can harp over it or move on." Harry added.

"Oh alright, it's about time I get over it anyway."

End of Chapter 11.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12.

On the way back to Hogwarts, Harry and Snape dropped by Vivan and Jewel's place in Knockturn Alley.

Both looked very distraught.

"What's the matter?" Harry asked.

"It's the creation. Those dhamphoids so to speak." Vivan said.

"How would you know about that?" Snape asked, eyes narrowing in suspicion. "I've only heard Ms Lovegood refer to it by that name."

"I have something I need to tell you both." Vivan said sadly.

"What is it?" Harry asked.

"I am the one responsible for the creation of the dhamphoids."

"What do you mean?" Harry asked.

"Mrs Lovegood was associated with a family of druids and inherited their dark powers. When Fudge was in office he intended on killing her. So she left and entirely bored and eager for company she created me."

"Luna told me her mother died from a potions experiment."

"The person who died wasn't her mother, it was another clone of me I sent back in time to meet up with Mrs Lovegood. Unfortunately the clone had retained almost all of Mrs Lovegood's memories and personality but none of her magical ability and that was the reason it died."

"The clone wouldn't have the same personality surely Luna would have been able to tell the difference."

"That specific clone was made so it had the same personality as Mrs Lovegood. While I was created with Mrs Lovegood's memories, I met new people and my personality began to change. I've had magic for quite a long time though unlike my counterpart."

"So how do we destroy the dhamphoids?"

"I'm told the answer you seek is in the pyramids beneath."

"Is the real Mrs Lovegood even still alive?" Snape asked.

"Yes, she's in the backroom." Vivan said. "She dropped by to visit Hogwarts after my past self told me about the letter you sent her and told me she turned a couple of Slytherin students into toads."

Harry snickered.

"Good, tell her she ought to come visit Ms Lovegood sometime. It's no good leaving her child distraught over her death."

"I'll be certain to tell her that."

HPSS

"Where are we going, Potter?"

"We're supposed to meet Ron outside the Leaky Cauldron." Harry replied, standing beside Snape.

"Are you going to tell him, Potter?"

"About Vivan? There would be no point, he wouldn't believe me."

"Woodent beweave wha?" Ron asked with his mouth full of a chocolate pasty.

"Don't talk with your mouth full." Snape scolded.

"Sawry." Ron muttered irritably.

"Let's go, we have to make it to the train station by 12." Harry drawled.

"A quarter before 12." Snape added. "It pays to arrive early, what if the train came early?"

"Aw ya shore ya dun wa't me ta cull him?" Ron inquired.

"Just swallow your food, Ron."

As the two made their way to the train station however, Harry spotted Sirius sitting on a bench nearby.

"Sirius!" He called out to the man.

Sirius turned. "Who are you?"

"This was the man I was talking to you about a couple of months ago you know after I cured your irksome insanity."

"Harry? My, have you grown."

"You don't remember a thing I've said do you?" Snape snarled.

"Not my fault, you praddle away like Professor Binns."

"Harry, you tell him." Snape uttered in exasperation stroking the skin on his forehead between his two eyebrows.

"First name basis now is it?" Sirius growled.

"Sirius, I'm from the future and I was transported to the body of my younger self."

"You're Harry? From the future?" Sirius asked, chuckling at the absurdity of it.

"It's true."

"Why is he here? He isn't your lover is he?"

Harry grinned.

"I have such good taste, don't I?"

"Are you serious?"

"Almost as much as you are Sirius."

"Harry, you didn't?"

"I did."

"He isn't abusing you is he?"

"If anyone is doing the abusing it's me." Harry chimed.

"Not helping, Potter." Snape gulped.

"Please be civil to him."

Eventually the train dropped by the station.

"May I come with you two?" Sirius asked.

"Sure."

"Absolutely not."

Both men uttered at the same time.

"He's coming Snape." Harry uttered through gritted teeth. "I haven't talked to him much and I want to get to know him more better."

"Merlin help me."

The three found a seat towards the midst of the train.

"How did your little fling with Minister Bones go?" Snape asked Sirius once the four had boarded onto the train.

"She dumped me." Sirius replied. "I was so certain we were getting somewhere, too."

"Hah and you always teased me over getting the ladies."

"You have a man, Snivellous." Sirius said reaching over to grab a couple of cookies from Harry's bag.

Harry swiped them away.

"Nope, I heard you there Sirius. Apologise to Snape or I won't give you any more cookies."

Sirius sulked.

"Sorry." Sirius murmured.

"What was that?" Snape goaded.

"Sorry." Sirius said, eyebrows contorting in anger.

"Good."

"Y'know Snape it's not good to gloat over your victory."

"It may not be good but I find it completely satisfying."

In a matter of days, the four of them drove up to the pyramids where a man with red hair tied back was waiting for them at the entrance.

"That's Bill." Ron said.

"What's he doing down here?"

"His job takes him everywhere and being that he works for the Ministry perhaps he's here to give us a tour."

Exiting their vehicle, all four walked up to the man

"You four were picked from the drawing?"

"Yes."

"Which one of you is Harry Potter?"

"I am."

"Pleasure to meet you." Bill said shaking Harry's hand. "My sister has a crush on you."

"Hey Bill." Ron said.

"Do I know you?"

"I'm your brother, Ron."

"You're crazy. You don't look a thing like my little brother."

"Of course I don't." Ron said. "I'm from the future."

"I don't believe you."

"It's true, Weasley." Snape said sighing at the gall of the eldest Weasley.

"Prove it." Bill spat.

"Ginny happens to love your hair long and tied back."

"What's Ron's biggest fear?" Bill asked.

"Spiders."

Bill looked at Ron in shock.

"Look skip the reunion, you're supposed to give us a tour of this place." Snape snarled.

"Alright." Bill said. "Follow me."

HPSS

Meanwhile in the comfort of her office, Ms Bones was interrupted in the middle of her paperwork as Remus Lupin barged in.

"Madame Bones, we have ourselves a critical situation."

"What is it?"

"The wizarding world is being attacked by these vampire-like creatures."

"Vampires?"

"Worse, these beings seem to enjoy feasting on human flesh."

"Any suggestions on what I should do?" Amelia asked.

"Evacuate this place. It isn't safe here."

"Who'll remain to watch over our citizens?"

"The werewolves have accepted me as their leader. I'll stay and help fight."

"Madame." Dedalus Diggle uttered barging in. "Mr Potter, Mr Frankfurter and Mrs Lestrange have escaped from Azkaban."

"What would you have me do about it?"

"Mrs Lestrange is a harboured criminal and left on her own she can wreck havoc in both the muggle world and the wizarding world."

"We have more important things to worry about other than a couple of criminals escaping prison. We need all the help we can get."

After the meeting of Lord Wonton's regime, Ginny dropped by Tonk's office once more.

Tonks was packing her things.

"You are leaving?" Ginny asked.

"Ginny, I can't stay here."

Suddenly a loud bang crackled through the air.

"What's that?" Ginny asked.

"Quiet, Ginny." Tonks murmured.

Carefully and quietly Tonks walked towards the door and opened it a smidgen, looking outside.

In the hall was the appearance of what looked like a vampire feasting on the flesh of Professor Gage.

Quickly Tonks closed the door.

"What's the matter?" Ginny asked.

"Hogwarts seems to have it's assortment of the undead that seem to enjoy feasting on flesh."

"What do we do? We can't just wait here. We have to help everyone."

"I know, but we just can't barge in there without being prepared."

HPSS

As the five of them explored the interior of the pyramid, Bill picked up a piece of wood on a pedestal and let a torch. Eventually they came across a room in the midst of the pyramid.

On the corners of the room were 7 coffins between them were 6 different corridors. Littered on the floor were a couple of dry skulls and skeletons and rusty swords on the ground.

"Say Bill, I've been meaning to ask you. Any reason as to why the ground is littered with skeletons?" Harry asked.

"I don't know. As long as you leave things alone though it shouldn't be a problem." Bill said.

"A little late for that." Ron uttered admiring the rusted sword in his hand.

"Ron!" Bill scolded.

Suddenly the ground rumbled with tremors.

"Is it an earthquake?" Sirius asked.

The lids of the coffins slowly creaked open.

"What's that?" Snape murmured.

"A hand?" Harry asked as he saw a yellow-bluish hand wrapped in linen cloth.

Behind him he could feel someone grab his hand, he turned to see who it was and gasped in shock.

Snape's face was ghastly white, mouth open in horror.

"Are you scared?" Harry murmured softly.

"Shut up, Potter."

"It's alright to be scared, y'know."

"Err, I don't think these mummies look too friendly." Ron said.

"Run." Bill said.

Sirius quickly picked up a sword and headed to the bottom right corridor.

Ron meanwhile tried to fend against the mummies with his sword, swinging it hoping to slash through them.

Bill sighed with relief.

"That was close."

"Still that seemed a little too easy." Harry said walking over the bodies with Snape by his side.

Just then, Harry felt something on his leg.

"What?"

A mummy had a hold of his heel and pulled him to the ground, Snape falling with him.

Most of the mummies Ron had slaughtered had collected to their feet unphased by the blows as if they hadn't even been killed.

Snape quickly got to his feet and tried to pull Harry up but then a group of mummies drew closer and tried to pull him away.

Ron was hacking them away but it didn't seem to phase them for very long.

"There's too many of them. Let's split up. Maybe we'll lose them." Bill said grabbing a sword before running towards the northern most corridor on the right.

Snape stood and could only watch in horror as the mummies surrounded Harry Potter.

"If you don't escape, you won't survive and you'll make him very sad." Ron called out to Snape.

Quickly Snape collected himself and grabbed a sword before heading towards the bottom most corridor on the left side while Ron took the middle corridor on the same side.

HPSS

In the dark and dreary roads of Knockturn alley, Jewel looked outside in horror as people began to be attack and killed by the dhamphoids.

"Vivan, we have to do something."

"If I intervened what if I change the future?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Everything that has happened was meant to happen. I was told to leave in the hands of Harry Potter."

"People are dying. Thousands of people could die and you're just going to sit here and do nothing?" Jewel inquired incredulously.

"Yes."

"I'm leaving, I can't stand sitting around here idle while everyone is fighting for their survival." Jewel huffed, tears on the corner of her eyes as she left the shop.

While running through the halls at Hogwarts, Neville and Pansy ran into Draco.

"Draco." Pansy gasped. "What are you doing here?"

Draco looked at her hands in horror.

"Pansy what did you do to your hands?"

Pansy blushed. "Shut up!"

"Have you seen Luna?"

"Last I saw her, she was walking by the greenhouses." Neville said his arms intertwined with Pansy's.

"Doesn't she know about the dhamphoids?"

"Apparently not."

"Right after she told me to stay away from them." Draco huffed before turning and heading towards the greenhouses.

Running so quickly he didn't notice someone walking towards him.

"Oof." Draco gasped as he fell unceremoniously to the floor.

"Are you a student here?"

"Yeah."

"Is everyone safe?"

"Who are you?"

"Jewel Kearney, are you alright?"

"What's it to you?"

"What's your hurry?"

"I'm looking for someone. They're lurking by the greenhouses and with those dhamphoids around she could be in danger."

"I'm coming with you."

"I don't need your help." Draco snarled.

"I don't care."

"It's your funeral." Draco said running towards the greenhouses, Jewel behind him.

Eventually the two spotted Luna inside with Professor Sprout.

A figure who looked a sickly white covered with something red drew closer to them.

"Luna, look out." Draco called out towards them.

"Draco?" Luna turned and saw his face stricken with horror and fear.

"Jewel."

Jewel turned around and saw Vivan running towards her.

"Jewel, wait!" Vivan called out to her in desperation.

The dhamphoid took the chance with everyone caught off guard and swooped towards Luna.

Jewel in a reckless action pulled her aside removing her from harm's way in result remaining in the path of the dhamphoid.

"Jewel, get out of the way!" Vivan called out towards her in worry, but it was too late.

Draco, Luna and Professor Sprout were frozen with horror at the sight.

"We've got to get out of here." Vivan pushed them out the door. A sparkle caught the corner of her eye and she turned.

In the distance she could see Jewel next to her old lover.

Something stung on the corner of her eye. It hit her at that moment that she was crying.

'Hope Nirvana is a happy place for you, Jewel.' Vivan thought.

HPSS

Sirius huffed, attempting to catch his breath. He had made his way very far in the corridor running for his life.

A couple of mummies had followed him but Sirius managed to lose them after slashing at them.

Not very far up ahead though looked to be a young man sitting on a trunk with a woman who looked sufficiently equipped for anything.

"Wormtail." Sirius snarled.

"Sirius!" Peter squeaked.

Sirius held his sword up to his neck in a threatening gesture.

"Tell me one reason I shouldn't kill you right now."

"Y-you won't be able to get out of here alive." Peter choked. "You need me."

"Yes, I can. I can turn around right now and hack through their preserved flesh. It isn't any trouble for me."

"You won't be able to escape. The pyramid traps those who it suspects are after it's treasures." Doris uttered.

"How-?"

"T-the mummies in the coffins will react should you touch anything in the room." Peter explained. "T-the creatures are a part of a legendary trial. W-whoever completes the trial is said to receive the ultimate treasure."

"Those who don't however are trapped here until someone does."

"So that's why the ground was littered with skeletons." Sirius said.

"That's not to say that the mummies didn't finish some of them off." Doris chimed.

"The mummies are the least of my worries."

The sound of footsteps drew nearer and Sirius could see multitudes of mummies coming from both ways.

"Crap, now how are we going to get out of here."

"I'll help you on one condition." Peter chided.

"What?"

"After we leave here, you have to let us escape."

"Never. You're helpless without me. If I die, you'll never make it out alive."

"That's where you are wrong. I happen to be an animagus, a rat animagus. The mummies won't kill what they can't see."

"You'd leave her?"

Peter turned towards Doris staring directly in her eyes.

"Yes."

"...and this is fine with you?" Sirius asked Crockford who was nearby.

"Of course it is."

Sirius growled looking at Pettigrew with anger and surprise.

"Fine." He spat.

Peter picked up his sword and began hacking at the mummies cutting their heads off as Sirius guarded his back slashing at the mummies on the otherside.

HPSS

At some point when ever he always found himself in what looked like a hopeless situation, Harry once found he could rely on memories of the good times he had with his best friends.

Unfortunately it no longer was a hopeful memory after Hermione had gone. He didn't weep but somehow Ron had known he was upset.

Harry hated Ron. He hated him. Ron had killed Hermione. He has asked Harry to kill him.

So angry, he couldn't do that to Ron. The suffering wouldn't have been enough.

It was this and this alone that drove Harry to his feet which made him quite happy as the mummies were pulling roughly on his arms in hopes of dismembering them from his body.

Harry threw a couple of red coloured hexes at the mummies hoping to stun them so he could escape.

After the mummies had fell to the floor, Harry collected his feet and ran towards the middle room on the right.

Eventually Harry made his way to a stone wall with a small, square chamber embelished in the wall.

Harry turned, the mummies had recovered and began following him through the corridor.

Panicking, Harry felt around the walls in the small stone chamber hoping that there was more to the corridor and he wouldn't meet his untimely demise.

...but it was no use. Nothing was there.

He braced himself.

Just then Harry could feel the wall move from behind him.

"Harry?"

Harry turned around.

"Ron!"

"I thought the mummies had you." Ron said choked up.

"They almost did."

"Let's go."

Harry followed Ron.

Unfortunately the wall closed, trapping Ron's sword in the stone wall.

"Oh great, more mummies." Ron said voice quivering.

"What are we going to do now?" Harry asked Ron.

"There has to be something we're missing. Bill has been here before, why didn't the mummies attack him? Why do they even try to attack us? There is no treasure here."

"Vivan did say though that the answer to defeating the dhamphoids is beneath the pyramid what do you suppose she meant be that?"

"I don't know but I hope we live to find out."

All of a sudden everything went quiet and Harry turned around to see Ron knocked out, sprawled across the floor.

Looks like he wouldn't be confessing his love to Snape anytime soon.

Without warning, a loud noise brought him from his horror ass Severus Snape landed on the mummies in a heap.

"Harry?" Snape asked incredulously.

Harry nodded.

"Are you alright?"

"I'm fine."

The answer seemed to be enough for Snape as he began to stab the mummies in the heart with his sword, making sure to slaughter every single one.

At some point the floor began to crumble down below dragging Snape, Harry and Ron with it.

Harry groaned at the impact and was amazed at the surprisingly soft landing.

"Potter, get off of me." Snape grunted, wincing irritably. Harry suspected he might have received a couple of bruises.

"Back among the living?" A deep voice uttered.

Harry turned and saw an old man floating in the air.

"Who are you?" Harry asked.

"I'm the treasure of these pyramids so to speak. I'll grant any wish you desire."

"Why me?"

"This pyramid was designed to test those in a quest for it's secret power. Touching anything in this building will activate this trial. The trial is to see how worthy one is of my power." The man said. "I have a dangerous power and with it are consequences. The trials tests to see how they use this power. You could have used anything in the building yet you chose only to use the wand that you had brought with you."

"I didn't think to grab a sword. Everything just happened in the spur of the moment."

"You could have easily used the killing curse on the mummies, so why didn't you?"

"I could have but I didn't have time to think about it. I wanted them to get away from me so I cast a spell in order to expel them from me."

"Your friend, the man with the black hair, is also a strange character." The man said. "He took a sword but he didn't use it until he met up with you. The sword it seems he prefers to use as means of protection to the people he loves."

Harry blushed.

"It's not a common trait to find. I will grant you any wish you desire."

"I only have one wish. My wish is to get rid of the dhamphoids."

"Done."

"Thanks."

HPSS

Outside the perimeters of Hogwarts, Ron stood with Daphne, Susan, Seamus and Dean.

"Why are we here?" Seamus asked.

"Ginny would want us to stick together as members of Lord Wonton's Army." Ron said.

"She did teach us how to use a bunch of useful spells and hexes in case we all winded up in a situation like this." Dean said.

"Hey, what are you people doing out here?" Neville asked, he and Pansy running their direction.

"You two look like you seen a bunch of blood thirsty arachnids."

"They're practically zombies invading our school." Neville said. "Do you have any idea where's your sister is? You're supposed to be her big brother. You're supposed to protect her."

"I'm alright." A chirpy voice came from in the distant.

"Is it just me or does she look freshly shagged." Ron murmured to Seamus, who silently agreed.

Much to their relief it seemed Tonks had been accompanying her.

"They're coming." She said frantically. "We have to try an reclaim our perimeters."

"Does everyone have their wand?" Ginny asked.

"Yes, Ginny." Everyone said.

"Is everyone ready to go?"

"Yes, Ginny."

"Then let's move out."

One by one, slowly they had managed to clear the path of the flesh-eating creatures.

"That looks like the last of them." Ginny said putting her wand aside.

"Wait." A voice called out.

"What is it?" Ron asked turning to see Vivan running frantically towards them.

"Their eyes."

"They're glowing." Seamus said.

"What are you talking about?" Ron turned to see and it happened less than a second. White eye beams shot from one of their eyes and Vivan pushed him to the ground taking the hit for the boy.

"Ugh." Vivan choked as she clutched her chest trying to catch her breath.

Clearly one could see her body was soaked with blood.

"They know magic." She gasped before collapsing unconscious."

"Now what are we going to do? We can't just leave her to die here." Ginny said. "At this rate she won't be the only dead one if we can't do something quickly."

As the dhamphoids piled in, suddenly all them were blasted away.

Voldemort and Bellatrix appeared blowing the smoke off the end of their wands.

"That's y-y-." Ron stammered.

"We'll help you hold them off. It's the least we can do, being reformed villains and all."

Where more kept dying plenty had taken their place.

"There's too many." Seamus gasped. "Even the reclaimed dark lord can't fend them off for too long."

Overcome all them were backed in a corner. Just when the dhamphoids were about to feast on their flesh, the humanoids all clutched their chest in what appeared to be agony and collapsed to the floor.

"That's it?" Seamus asked afraid to gasp in relief.

"That's what it looks like." Tonks said.

"Woot."

HPSS

After granting the thing had granted their wish, Harry and his friends found themselves outside the pyramid.

"Harry, are you alright?" Sirius asked brushing off the dirt from his clothing.

"I'm fine."

"I guess we'll be going now." Peter said, Doris in his arms.

"Just where do you think you're going, Pettigrew?" Harry asked.

"I did make a deal with him. If he helped me off those mummies he could go free."

"And what makes you so sure I'll agree with that?" Snape snarled.

"You haven't a choice." Peter said. "Cheers."

Both Doris and Peter apparated out of sight.

"Where should we go next?" Peter asked after unceremoniously being dropped somewhere in the far desert.

"You said we'd travel the world." Doris said.

"Maybe somewhere a bit cooler than we are at now."

"How about Hawaii. I always wanted to vacation in Hawaii."

A day later, Harry had returned from their trip to Egypt at Ron's insistance.

"What's going on?" Ron asked at the lack of students in the halls.

"Everyone is recuperating in the hospital wing." Professor McGonagall said exiting from the hospital wing.

"It's on the second floor again?" Ron asked.

"No point in talking about it. So what if the hospital wing changes every day, it's nothing terribly exciting or incredibly new. It's not that important."

"Oh sorry."

All four entered the hospital wing. At the sight of Vivan in one of the beds, Ron was distraught.

"Vivan, Vivan, what are you doing in here? What happened with your chest?"

Vivan woke, attempting to strain her eyes opened.

"Jewel died, she was concerned about the students here and decided to help and I was too late." She said coughing. "I got hit by some nasty magic there no hope for me at this time. You might as well give up saving me in this time."

"How can you say that?" Ron spurted out angrily in distraught.

"Time, time, you keep murmuring about time." Snape murmured thoughtfully stroking his chin absently. "Do you know something we don't?"

"I was told by someone that there would be a time that I had grave injuries and at this point I'd have to send myself back in time." Vivan explained. "I completed the ritual I just have to say the words and then I'll be gone."

"Vivan don't go." Ron sobbed holding her hand covering it with kisses.

"Ron, it won't be forever." Vivan giggled. "Trust me."

Ron released her hand.

"Tritempus." She murmured before vanishing from her bed.

"What's she talking about?" Ron snarled. "There's no way you'd survive this long with those injuries."

"That's where you're wrong." A voice said from behind Ron.

He turned.

HPSS

"Mrs Lovegood?" Harry inquired with surprise. The woman had white blonde hair, vibrant red eyes and pale skin.

"Wrong, fortunately."

"What are you talking about?" Ron huffed.

"I'm not Mrs Lovegood." She said. "The one you know as Luna's biological mother hasn't seen Luna in 9 years."

"What?" Ron asked eyes widening in surprise.

"In 1989, Mrs Lovegood created a clone of herself whom you know as Vivan. She had all of her memories but none of her personality. She was created in case Mrs Lovegood should die and all and as a companion. Mrs Lovegood happened to be a druid and the Ministry had passed a law in the execution of the druids due to their massive knowledge in the dark arts so she had to go in hiding." She explained. "At the time I had sent another clone of myself to 1980 in Mrs Lovegood's place who had retained not only her intelligence but her personality. Eventually she had malfunctioned and was destroyed by a magical experiment. Not a reminince of her body remained when I had arrived gravely injured so I snuck into the casket waiting for Harry to give my body over to the vampires."

"I am sad to say that I've been the one responsible for the creation of the dhamphoids."

"It's alright."

"You trust her? How do you know she is who she says she is? She acts nothing like Vivan."

"Don't believe me do you?" Vivan added snarkly.

"It's her." Snape huffed in annoyance.

"Vivan?"

"Oh, come here Ron. Don't be shy." Vivan said.

Ron ran to her and embraced her.

"Harry, aren't you happy you didn't have to kill Voldemort. That's why you bought that wand didn't you?" Ron said.

"Yeah." Harry replied with a smile and broke his wand.

"Remind again how we even got in this predicament in the first place."

Harry snorted. "Someone might have made allies with vampires...what are you trying to say?

"This from the ill-concieved mind of the unorganised planner." Snape said.

"Snape, not you too."

"Just be careful who you make allies with next time Harry, we don't want to destroy the world because of the actions that you made." Ron said.

"I'll keep that in mind."

"One thing that bites at the back of my mind though is why you were sent to the body of your younger self."

"Yeah, that has been bugging me." Harry said in awe and wonder.

"Oh that?" Vivan said. "Dumbledore pulled you back in time with the intention to kill you."

"What?"

"Whatever happened to Dumbledore anyway?"

"He died." Madam Pomfrey said. "He was mauled by those creatures."

"Damn it. If only I had got here sooner so I could have killed him." Harry huffed.

"Dumbledore pulled this off sending you back in time from the future as killing your younger self, the world's only hope in killing Lord Voldemort would be suicide because wizards of his caliber would have experienced a fate worse than death from the high sages."

"If they had wizards like then why did I have to kill Voldemort?" Harry asked.

"The high sages are ghosts and can only be summoned when they're needed." Vivan said. "Anyway because Dumbledore intended to kill you in the body of your future self, I used dark magic to merge you with the body of his younger self and I was told to summon Ron Weasley as well."

"It's only because of that Harry survived?" Snape asked.

"This isn't reversible is it?"

"No, unfortunately it isn't."

Harry sighed.

"Luckily Ron was here to prevent a certain event from occurring or you would have been dead."

"What? Really?" Ron asked in curiousity. "In these kind of situations that never happens."

"Yes Ron you were important, though for what I don't know."

FIN.

End Notes: This is the last chapter of this fic. I originally planned on going through book 4 but really I don't think it's worth going over in this fic. One of my other thoughts was to add an epilogue explaining Ron's purpose or what happened after the equivalent of book 4-7 were finished but I don't think it's quite worth writing a 700 word epilogue when I can leave it here.

Another Note: If anyone has a challenge fic with an idea they want to me to do I'm willing to write anything. Just send in a couple of prompts through PM or review whichever is easier.

Note for all the reviewers: Thanks for the reviews. This is my first attempt at posting this kind of fanfiction. Every intention of it was supposed to be funny and hilarious and I'm glad that it completed it's job. Based on the feedback, this isn't going to be the last time I post a Parody so be on the lookout in the future.


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